I Blahg, Talks!

I am Ram's Blog .I live in the Web(like you, mr or miss netizen) and my friends call me Spiderwoman. But considering that I don't have any friends, I don't think any one calls me that.
Today, I'm going to share with you what has been burning inside me for a long time now. I am so frustrated! Please be my 'agony aunt' !!
I don't know where to begin.RAM!!! The ultra irritating owner of this blog. How do you bare him??
The weird list on the right side called 'buddy blogs' is full of blogs like me who are bored, dazed and abused. I got this 'quote curry' space where lines lifted off from other places are shamelessly stamped on me. Now don't even get me started on the 'weekly status message' I mean who cares a damn what the F*** he does the whole week?? And then he has this 'music to the ears', the thing which he thinks would entertain me. Blah! Its playing the same song for decades now!! It doesn't even have a simple playlist!!
In fact he is not the only problem .Even you!! Why???
Sigh!! How people get busy. I keep trying to make myself more appealing by adding new technology,photos of dead guys or drinks and other stuff but its of little use. Some times I am even tempted to put up a hot bikini just so that you could look at me a little longer. But alas! I am just a software and I won't look hot in a bikini so I ditched the Idea. You don't know how NOT being ogled at, with disbelieving eyes feels like. No you don't.
I always wanted to be a famous blog, like my cousin, the lucky bastard he ended up being Aamir Khan's blog while I am stuck here with this moron who derives immense happiness by writing crappy material on me which no one reads. After everything I've done for this guy, what do I got in return? Some bullshit about him being 50% male and 50% female based on his browser cache? And what the hell was that nonsense about him being '18 till he dies' and what was it anyways, a ridiculous rap , hip hop or a nursery rhyme?
All I wanted was to be a good blog with many readers. I'm tired of being referred to as "Pikku page". I mean, that name doesn't even sound cool, it sucks!!! For Google's sake, he doesn't even promote me, other than of course his 5 or 6 friends, some of whom are great people who write blogs just as badly as him and others, well they hardly talk to me.
BOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :( !!

Anyways thanks for listening to me,
Whatever you do or don't, I love you loads!
yours forever,
I Blahg( see what I mean? )

SEX

I am an average GUY.
And the law of averages is probably going to be stuck with me forever!! The likelihood of me passing any exam is 50-50. And here is adding to the list of things which are 50-50 in my life.

I found this web application which tells the odds of you being a male or a female based on your browser cache. Cool, HUH?

My results were .... well 50-50 :|

Likelihood of you being FEMALE is 50%
Likelihood of you being MALE is 50%

hmmmmmmm....................

Well, check your "SEX" here.
Don't forget to post your results in the 'comments'. :)

Freedom!

She hadn't received his calls the previous night. And he shifted, turned and rolled around on his bed, trying to get a sleep. But it was no use, and he sat up listening to KK's Khuda jaane. And listening to the wonderful song on repeat,he fell asleep. And it was 8.30 when he woke from his slumber.5 years back, on this day, he would have dressed in a neatly ironed uniform and marched past the dais which stood beside the NATIONAL FLAG. But today he had no time even to Brush and he started fiddling with the small keypad of his mobile and typed in ‘Happy independance day, Good Morning :) wassup??'. And sent it to her number.And he sat waiting for her reply and as sounds of bugles and drums and Patriotic songs blared in the loud speakers from the schools nearby.

She was dressed in a white salwar. She had bought it a couple of days back. She loved it the moment she laid her eyes upon it. Carefuly looking at the mirror she applied the dark mascara around her beautiful eyes. Looking quite satisfied in the mirror or rather a bit impressed she gave herself a naughty wink. She couldn't wait to meet him. She could already imagine the look on his face. She giggled to herself. She had purposefully avoided him the previous night. She knew he would be missing her .She liked that. As she was rushing to the dining table to eat her breakfast, her phone beeped twice. And the display glow "New message recieved". It was from him. and she replied "GM.,see you in the theater in an hour" She knew he wouldn't have remembered.

He had forgotten about the movie.Grabbing a towel, he rushed to the bathroom. The Suprabatham was playing on the old tape recorder in the other room .He was humming Khuda jaane as he scrubbed and washed his hair. Praying to god that he can make it in time for the movie.
She didn't like waiting. And grabbing the nearest T-shirt in his wardrobe,he smelled it and it smelled fine. Then taking his old pair of jeans he put it on. Took some cash from his Mom's purse and filled it inside the Wallet she had gifted him last month. And he rushed to the theater on his Bike. Stopping at annoying signals he finally made it. She wasn't there yet. And he sighed in relief.
The theater was buzzing with youngsters,single guys, gangs of girls and love lorn couples. He wondered, why was he still single??

She couldn't stop smiling ,she knew she had to do it. And she already loved the feeling. And she drove faster and finally reached the theater and she saw him. And sneaking quietly behind him she shrieked excitedly "Hiiii!!!"

He missed a heart beat! And recovering from the shock he turned back. She was dressed in a salwar, it was white his favorite. She had long flowing silky hair, just like he had liked. She was blushing and she looked cute. His heart missed a beat again.
As his heart raced, his face drained off any color.
The guy standing next to him hugged her and both of them left hand in hand. Her fingers between his.
He felt sick. “OMG even that lousy looking guy has such a pretty girlfriend!!".
As such varied emotions ran through his mind, the familiar yelling of his "friend" bought him back to reality. "Enjoying your FREEDOM huh?? Checking out other guy's girlfriend? Go get the tickets, you dummo!! I can't wait" she ranted off in her ever energetic voice.This was one freedom he did not mind losing!
"Yeah right, HAPPY INDEPENDANCE DAY TO YOU TOO" he snapped at her. And he joined the Que.



P.S: Happy Independance Day to you all!! :)
And do I have to tell you, that this was a fiction?

18 till I die?

I could play in the sands
I was not looked down upon when I ate with no spoon just hands
I could play in the hot sun
I was the same age as my neighbors’ son
I could go to school without polishing my shoes and get wacked
I had a truckload of stamps in my cupboard neatly stacked
I could play a tree on a school day and get applause
I was all muddy and dirty but still was not called gross
I could sit on any park bench without blowing away the dust
I was punished by my teacher for coping in test and breaking her trust
I could get wet in the rain and have a wet cloth on my forehead the next day
I had to rush home from school and go to lousy tuitions everyday
I could watch cartoon network and pogo
I had great friends who also did the same and didn't think I was a freako

And then something happened and things changed,

I only see sands when I go to the beaches
I fumble with the spoons and spill, people around give weird looks and say Jesus!
I get tanned in the sun so I apply sunscreen and stay indoor!
I look at the neighboring kid play in the mud through my grilled door
I have to polish my shoes and be presentable or get sacked
I get transferred from city to city and I move with my things packed
I have a mustache and a beard which cover my jaws
I don't really like what I see in the mirror. I have my flaws.
I don't sit on a park bench alone, people may think I am a Moron
I get drunk in pubs and dream of becoming a liquor baron
I cover myself in plastic when it rains to protect my cloths which are precious
I often rush from college to meet my girlfriend before she can get ferocious
I stay late nights and just watch MTV or channel V
I have friends who are too busy as they drive around in their SUV.


I grew up, that's what happened!!
Shit happens!!

You have recieved a Testimonial!!

Long time no see huh??
Yeah I was buzy!!
No pervs I wasn't getting laid, I had been to Manglore. I'll soon put up the snaps if you're interested but its just full of FOOD, FOOD and more FOOD, because that's all we did there. Eat!!
Anways this post is not about Food or Manglore, but something different!


Now I do Orkuting and Facebooking a lot. And I know if you're reading this, even you do that!!
And you must have noticed the different types of Testimonials that people send to each other on Orkut.
On one hand you have,
Guys who hardly write testimonials . Some do write, but only to their close buddies .And even if they do, they find it extremely tough to bring out words, describing their ‘chaddi dosts’. Its just not in our DNA I guess. Or may be the stuffs that guys know about each other are too 'taboo' to be on their Orkut profile where they are either too cool, smart and a Casanova or a nerdy, decent guy. No guy can be a stupid blonde you know!
And with great difficulty when we do come up with something nice and sweet its mostly wrapped up in less than 2 or 3 lines. So we resort to those 'ready made testimonials' of "UROCK" and those guy holding a guitar images made of letters though the guy has never played a guitar in his life or the ones with a bike doing wheeling but sadly the guy in question doesn't even own a damn bike. But thats guys for you. Poor creatures we are.
On the other hand are the girls.
I have never seen a girl's profile on Orkut without a testimonial.
They get one almost every other week and sometimes multiple testimonials from a single 'friend', without making it look odd!!
They get tons of testimonials from 'guy friends' and with that those long emotional testimonials from the 'CLOSEST' or the 'BESTEST' friends of theirs.
These testimonials are not much help in knowing the person better because almost all the girls happen to be very sweet, chweet, chweetheart and yeah! Honey and baby etc .They 'luv' each other a lot. And they always get "mmmuahhh"!!
No guy would ever do that now, would he? You 'Muah' your close friend, and he would probably think you're drunk or worse turned gay!
These testimonials are seriously gender biased . No girl ever sends me a testimonial containing lines like "You are a sweetheart", "love u honey" "mmuahh baby" "you're naughty and playful". And neither do Guys and even if any guy indeed sends it, I would be obviously reject it!! Duh!

Sigh!!

Its worse for guys like me, who according to all girls 'is very shy' in real world and all they know is I happen to talk like hell on "GTalk" or "yahoo" and so they hardly write any testimonials to me, and when they do, they accompany with it some sort of " statutory warning" about me being active or talkative only virtually, which only reaffirms the doubts of other girls and thus ruining my "many chances"(could be anything )

So guys write some sane testimonials making me look as the greatest earthling ever and girls, I know you 'luv' me because I am an extremely chweet and a chweetheart so don't be shy go ahead and ‘muah’ me loads !!! Luv u baby!!! :)

the tree,early man and her!

I was dressed in a green shirt and a brown pant.
Yeah I was indeed 'a tree' that night.
He was dressed in a fake deer skin, unruly hairs all over the body and fake facial hairs.
Yeah he was indeed 'an early man' that night.
I was handed a few twigs and leaves in my hand and I started rehearsing to be the Tree. Mind you, I was not an ordinary tree. I was a holy tree and half dozen early mans had to worship me!! Being a avid Movie fan, I knew no role was small, I have to play a character, which was not an ordinary character, it was a holy Tree, from ruffling and shaking the twig and leaves lightly, I did everything in the book to make it look realistic.(stop giggling now, Its very tough being a TREE).
So where was I? Yeah rehearsing. Though I thought mine was a VERY IMPORTANT ROLE, the Early man’s role was not a small one either. He had to howl and walk in circles around me 3 times, howl even more and rise their arms in air and yeah you guessed it, HOWL again!!
And I seriously thought that needed a lot of rehearsal back stage.
It was the school annual day which apparently was done at night!!
And I was indeed 'a tree' that night!
And he was indeed 'an Early man' that night!
And he instead of practicing his difficult howling, was restless and kept on nudging me with his "baaro 1 nimsha"( Come with me for a minute)
As the beats and the classical music resounded in the auditorium(Kalamandira), he pulled me to the side of the stage, a place dark and hidden from the excited parents, crying little siblings and hooting old students of our school!!
With us were the anxious teachers who encouraged the performers on stage if they were to make a mistake. And we were there not to help anyone of course!!

I gulped at the sight of the audience though I couldn’t see much as it was dark there too,but was sure there were hundreds and I reminded myself not to mess up. I had to be the perfect tree!!! Stand still ruffle and shake the leaves a bit and continue to stand still especially the lower half of my body!!
But the 'early man' was least bothered I guess it came to him naturally, being the Early man!!!
Anyways you may be wondering what we were doing on the side stage instead of rehearsing back stage!
Well I was the side kick who was to give MORAL SUPPORT to the HERO who was cheking out the HEROINE!!
Now like in movies I was not a really DUMB SIDEKICK!!
But then no movie can ever have a hero in early man costume either!
Ok now heroine was dancing away to glory beautifully matching steps with her partner in Bharatanatyam !!And she was making weird gestures with her fingers and eyes( Yeah very poor knowledge of Bharatanatyam) but she was smiling all the way! And the early man stared on with his mouth open, eyes bulging out of their sockets admiring her and the sidekick tree was ruffling and shaking lightly IN ANXIETY!!!!

All I was praying for was the dumb Early man won't go on stage and HOWL and run in circles around her instead of me!!!Yeah she was already giving a sense inferiority!!!
Tree, be a perfect Tree!!
But it indeed was a good performance, girls have this great ability to make anything they do much ,much more better than it already is with a smile and it as quite obvious with loud applause she got for the Bharatanatyam, the dance with weird eye ball movements and hand gestures(sometimes very offensive actually :P)!!
Finally she walked off the stage and walked past us, the hero and the sidekick on the side stage, nobody acknowledges a tree but she couldn't recognize the early man either, I doubt if he himself could if he stared at the nearest mirror!!
And like a hungry dog which follows you everywhere if you tempt it with yummy food, he followed her. And me, the tree slapping my head, followed the Early man,defying the laws of nature!!
If only even she could have stood on the side stage and watched me doing the perfect tree ,so perfect a pigeon made a cozy nest on my head( that’s not true) and the early man whose howls were so realistic it scared away the pigeon( ummm, may be true ;) ).
But am sure, if she is reading this she sure is making all the eye ball movements and hand gestures(offensive??)!!!
And the early man, would certainly be HOWLING!!!
Who was the early man, who was she, who am I? Crap you know me!!Yes, I'm the tree!!


Those who loved me as a Tree, please Comment :)
Those who loved the early man, please HOWL!! :D
Those who loved her , let me know your name and from which side of the stage were you looking ;)

P.S: I no longer accept roles as a TREE!!! I do only guest appearance!! :D

Eye love U

Sabi's
Favourite Bond Movie: For your Eyes only.
Least Favourite Movie: Black,Andha Kanoon.
Favourite Hindi Dialog: ...acha?? Ek bar mere Aankhon mein Ankhein dal ke dekho aur kaho ki tum mujhse pyar nahin karte...
Favourite English Dialog : Look into my eyes, Baby!!
Favourite hindi song :Aankhon mein teri ajab si..
Favourite english song: Angel eyes..
Favourite Kannada song: Koltalalappo Koltalalappo Kanninale Kanninale kolatalalappo..
Favourite One liner :There's more to it then what meets the EYE!!
Favourite letter in english language: 'I' (Duh!!)
Favouite fashion accesory :Fast track 'eye' gear.
Favourite Drink : 'Ice' tea
Favourite Icecream: 'Ice'cream
Most used word while talking: 'Eye'yooo
Favourite insect: the house fly because it has thousands of 'eyes'
Written on the door of his room: Eye'm IN!!
Conversation between Sabi and her

Sabi: I love U!!
her: But, U love 'I'!!:P

Recent song he loves to sing for her: Kabh'i' Kabh'i' Ad'i't'i'( not just because of the i's) and ofcourse Nazrein milana, Nazrein churana :D
When did we come to know he was in love?
When he kept mumbling even in his sleep, "Eye love her, Eye love her..."
and what he said after reading this?

"Eye kill u!!!!!!!!!!!" :D