AAh Monday morning....which is very bad time for most people as they have to get their ass off from there happy sundays to get back in to their real hectic life.
Others like my friends in B.E got to slog all day and night and have sadly lost sense of the Big gap between a sunday and monday and well the 31/12/2007 and 1/1/2008...VTU gets it always wrong .....EXAM on the new year!!!
Well am the lucky few who inspite of having to be in college need not because there isn't much going on there too tired too buzy too lazy.
Waking up early in the morning and feeling the fresh cool air..hearing the birds chirping in the garden,the sound of the falling vessels as the cat makes not so silent attempt to get that milk ..that warm glow of the sun between the mist on a december morning..the last december morning..............well all these are not what i experienced..all these are a thing of past when i wake up at 8.25AM just in time to be ready for "the simpsoooooooons"
The rising sun is replaced by the bald Homer with 2 long hairs running across his head....!!!
After a wonderful stupid and funny morning and after all those things that for once i wont be explaining in detail..am back at my comp the only place where according to many i happen from being fast,josh,not shy,funny and everything what a normal person would be doing in real that is offline!!
but strangely i happen do them online....
All pumped from the + reviews by the *critics* for my previous blog entries it was some what relieving "gosh atleast they read my damn blogs" but not happy either damn ending the new year on blogosphere[thats also a part of this planet earth now like the atmosphere] with a comment to delete it..... was a bad sign...so here I am writing again to move the bad blog down so nobody sees it [kiddin!!].
And even as i write this i am bombed with replies to the stupid blog taken seriously!!
anyways i type along as a spider does a mission impossible as it descends with its web to the ceiling...and trying to make a web out there at the window...now great people get inspired looking at it..but i chose to destroy all its attempt..by ...__________________ *gory incident has been censored*...Duh! the spider is alive!!!
Well back to writing as i think about what to do today on a boring day [ as my friend is starting to doubt if I am becoming Devdas...huh!!]...other than forwarding "happy new year" to everyone or copy pasting some creative work by some guy and sending it to gals..yeah they do that..guys don't even get a decent wish these days.
What do you do on 31st???
Normally people say PARTY baby....but lesser mortals like the author of this blog has no party to party with...the lone blogger!![ Nobody calls me that!!!]
And i think and think what to do on this day...and having no clue why i have to write that iam thinking what i want to do !! the cup of hot tea which is more like a 'kashaaya'[herbal tea]..slowly becomes more unbearable as it cools.....the speaker is ranting the new song from the movie sunday ..and its been doing that for the last 1/2hour ya..shocking...thats the magic of new songs you keep hearing it on and on...and finally one day you become sick of it...and that one day comes on the day you get a new song that is in 1,2, or 3 days!!!
Well like every year TV is the only thing to make me stay awake till 12..and well the tv these days doesn't promise much than the repeat telecast of the gunman shooting 'muhatarma Benazir Bhutto' again and again though i couldn't make out much[No disrespect to anyone!!]
that was the news channels...
then comes the entertainment channels[really???]
They cry,they die,they kill,they are reborn..die again..and again come back,some just don't die...some get a plastic surgery and change face every fortnight...and on 31st they all get awards for doing all those ridiculous stuff....and for then they dance and dance....*yawn*
And i wont talk about the reality show serials..!!
then there are the music channels
Keep repeating the same bollywood songs between the ads as an ad is the 1st priority.
or they repeat the bakra episodes....or lola kutty comes up[ewwww]
and our only bet are the CN's and POGO!![yeah niceeeee]
Well with these ridiculous time pass we enter 2008 and have a better luck hopefully!!
And am trying to get my hands on the book 'the kite runner'[recco by sheki....] lets see if i can do that ...ummm....Damn!! the spider is at it again..it just doesn't give up!!!!!!!!
EUREKA !!!!
"Don't give up on what ever you want to do..keep trying till you succeed"
- some guy very long back!!
CAN THAT BE A NEW YEAR RESOLUTION??? guess yaaa....
And see you people in 2008!!!
HAPPY 2008
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Good bye [2] 007 ....
Well its 2008!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
And just like ‘The New Year’ there will be “new year resolutions”
Most of us don’t follow them …and we just step into new year ..
Here are some of the things or rules to keep in mind …to make life better in next year….
Caution Readers:
This is not a crash course of any sort on ‘how to become a genius’, ‘a terrorist’, ‘to lead a healthy life’, ‘how to poke your nose in public’, ‘how to become marriageable’, ‘how to get a divorce’ or any shit.
&
Not all rules are funny they are not supposed to be so..…well some are… and some more are plain stupid and others may just workout.
It’s not all original ideas ….some are plain rip off …so don’t be envious of me!!!
Hmmm here you go……..
1] Life can be tough, take it ONE rule at a time.
2] Don't wash your hands with petrol/diesel.
Don't wash your dog with Sulfuric Acid.
[You'd think such things would be common sense, but there are some real MORONS out there]
3] "Don't drive faster than your Angels can fly"
[Warning: Angels can fly approximately 120 kmph , lets be careful with this rule].
4] Don't slurp when you eat or drink, or chew with your mouth open, or talk with your mouth full... in other words , don't enjoy eating at all.
5] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....and now Rule 6
6] Buy a lottery ticket now and then, you never know
7] Read a bunch of strange books about ghosts, reincarnation, aliens, and parallel universes; one of these wacko theories might be true.
8] Eight hours of sleep, or more, is gooooooood.
9] Don't _____________[fill in the blanks and send your answers to 575575 and win a TIGHT SLAP].
10] There's a time to be born, a time to die, a time to be serious, a time to learn, a time to teach, a time to put on your shoes,a time to see the time, a time to sit down and have breakfast, a time to paint something, a time to write a stupid rule that really isn't a rule but just a discussion of time and doing things, and a time to think on how we are always doing stuff and rarely have enough time to do everything, and a time to make a really long sentence with lots of commas, and a time to put an end to Rule 11; which is now.
11]Some important rules while in a forest or zoo or in company of animals.
Don't wrestle with an Alligator, or Bear.
Don't try to out run a Cheetah, just get ready for the worst.
Don't tease a loose Gorilla.
Don't lay down near an Elephant.
Don't pretend you're a seal in Shark infested waters.
Don't steal honey from Killer Bees.
Don't bend over naked around a horny male Baboon.
12] Its not a rule..Its a fact
Only humans and Dung Beetles 'choose' to clean up the shit of other creatures.
[After all 2008 is the International Year of Sanitation.]
13] Fuck the rules
[I know one guy who will agree very much]
14] If you're going to drink alcohol..think about all those drinks that tastes good and is good for you, like a Rasna.
15] When you find something good, share it with your friends.[Is your gf/bf good???]
16] Figure out what your dreams are, you NEED that information.
17]. If your goal for the day is to hang out and do nothing, and you do that, you've had a successful day.
[More than a few days devoted to this goal is a BAD sign.]
18] Life's guarantees:
Wonder
Joy
Sadness
Despair
Surprise
Disappointment
[some keep repeating ]
19] Never go by what they say
We live in a world where we are surrounded by people who believe CRAZY things[most of them come true]... and sadly these people think you are strange.
20] I predict:
Tomorrow the world will 'just miss' ending in some catastrophic way that no one will even know about
21] The world could end in the blink of an eye... or it could go on and on and on and on... only Al Gore knows for sure.
22] These days many a things will be termed “none of your business…!@#$ off”!!
23] !@#$ =fuck[ @#$%,F@CK,FAC# ,F#CK all mean the same]!
24] If you want to live forever, DO NOT DIE ;
25] If Koi mil
Not all Aliens are ‘jaaadu’ just run away silently [ this rule/advice may or may not work]
26] A trimmer is no big deal but when dealing with complicated machinery such as "Time Machines", or "Transporter Units", read the directions CAREFULLY.
27]
No war.
No crime.
No anger.
No distrust.
No lies.
[Wake up dude]
28] The most exciting part of a rocket launch is the countdown from ten.
[Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa]
29] Note to children:
You are right about all that crap they want you to learn in school, you won't need to know MOST of that stuff, ever.
But, that's not the point, you are learning HOW to learn when you do that work and do it well, and one day, you WILL need to have learned how to LEARN.
So do the work, do it well, study, get A's and B's, IT WILL MATTER.
..so do 100/100…….. well …….99/100 is good too![Remember Taare zameen par]
30] If someone is about to bury you alive, do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE NOT TO GET BURIED ALIVE!!
31] When tossing grenades, squeeze the handle tight and hold it there, THEN pull the pin, THEN throw. Any other order will meet with less than desirable results.
32] Don't try to breakup fights, just stand back and watch.
33] Don't go surfing when a Tsunami is approaching.
34] Don’t spin around until you are dizzy near a cliff.
35] Don't get a tattoo of a girlfriend or boyfriend's name, you'll regret it sooner or later.
36] Always wear a helmet, when riding a vehicle [who knows you may have Einstein’s brains..they may want it for research!!!]
37] Given a choice between drowning or burning to death, pick drowning.
38] Don’t put a candle into your nose…its not required.
39] If there's a green wire, a black wire, and a red wire, and you have the desire to touch one, touch the black one.
40] Rules for Terrorists : When they ask for volunteers for a "Suicide Mission", look down at your shoes and remain quiet.
41] LMAO stands for ‘Laughing My Ass Out’ and not ‘Laaaa Mmmmm Aaaa Oooo’
42] New Year comes every year so don’t worry if you slept off at 11:55PM….there is always next year…well ..almost….and yeah don’t blame me if you sleep off again next year!!
43] Know when to ignore those voices in your head that say "Kill, kill"
44] Remember: 'Rules are meant to be broken'
45] You will be fined/tortured/beaten up if you follow Rule 44!!
46] Pets are good…but never keep any animal in your house that could kill you if it wanted to.
47] You get 11 different types of dreams every night....so don’t stay up all night .
48]You can’t avoid all the potholes…that’s true for the vehicle passing next to you on a rainy day!!
49] Lord Of The Rings is not REAL[Real things cant be so great.]
50] Drink more grape juice.[Just make sure some are fermented ..and older the better]
51]Be Lazy when you have no work …be a couch potato because it’s the International Year of the Potato.
52] All the readers who reached till here should be appreciated….are you human??
53] I forgot…never mind!
54] The BIG question: What is life, what's this all about?
Don’t worry if you cant answer it the 1st time…if you could..contact me immediately!!!
55] Life sucks….[damn it…go back to Rule 53]
56]*yawn*
57] Always write a comment after you read the blog….and it better be good!!!
That’s it they have no connection whatsoever with the new year ..like many things in life don't ..hmmmm …yeah enjoy the new year..party hard get drunk ..puke out .. sleep late and miss the new year morning and wake up at afternoon…feel dizzy and go back to sleep again..and wake up at night and wonder what you would want to doand again try to sleep coz you got school, college, work the next day….baaals!!!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Apna Santa puttar!!!
You wish everyone “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year”…so here I write what I should have written some days back…well never mind..it ain't 31st yet!!
So its Christmas time and everyone has just 1 person in their mind[no not the gifts or cake..they aint a person you see]…well he is the guy with one of the ‘cold’est job!!!
He pushes his feet in to the scuffed black boots before styling his beard with Brylcreem. [Brylcreem…yeah he dropped one half used sachet of it once] he couldn’t wait for tomorrow when he could shave the damn thing off. Tomorrow. It seemed like such a long way off. All those houses, all those gifts, all those not so clean chimneys to get down. And those reindeers, jumping, running and they are supposed to be flying too…and yeah also farting in his face and pretending like they had no control. The ministry [of the north pole???] had rejected his application for a car. Again. Well the IPCC didn’t win a Noble for no reason!!!! Environmentally unfriendly they said. As though all that methane was good for the planet[guess its natural and hence nature friendly]. Sure, there were days he thought of quitting but the perks were good…very gooood. 364 days a year off!!! ….now how often and in which job do you get that???? And added bonus of Free milk and cookies[yeah cookies…]and a whole lot of elves to do the chores…well the software companies would have a tough time employing this fellow….and just the one day he had to work. Some would even say he was famous, well not in a Paris Hilton kind of way, but still pretty good for a man 364 days in hibernation[I guess]. But he is a happy man and remindes himself ‘You shouldn’t complain so much’ as he settles down in the sleigh. Life could be worse. You could be the Easter Bunny!!!
And with a heavy sack of gifts he sighs ‘ho ho ho’ which sounds majestic and happy “HO HO HO!!!” to everyone…well that’s SANTA for you..not the one from SANTA&BANTA….its SANTA CLAUS !!
MERRY XMAS
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
WELCOME to the BARBERSHOP!!!
Unlike in school where u had 2 months of holidays after an exam ….in college you get a 15 days holidays after an exam which lasted more than a month.
Nonetheless its HOLIDAYS!!!!
What do I do on a holiday…well I plan to get a haircut .
Again unlike women going to a beauty parlor…going to a barbershop is quite an extraordinary thing.
It wasn’t so bad until recently when I go to this barbershop near my house “Welcome” shouts a sign in the front……… and as I enter am greeted by big posters of madhuri n priety zinta…not getting what they are supposed to be doing in a men’s parlor I wonder if its to lure people in to have their hair cut or ……….[what!!??]
After that deep thought I look around as there are more posters of men with weird hairdo’s most of them look Chinese…which is quite unfortunate because we Indians cannot have those hairstyles and look as good…..nor would it be appreciated…
To make matter worse they got those huge mirrors in front and back and staring at those multiple images of yourself all staring just as blankly back at you…. and you look at those having their hairs cut and don’t be surprised if u see them all staring back at you while you would be smirking at their hairstyles or something……and sadly there isn’t any Alice from the wonderland [i.e. from the other side of the mirror.]
And looking at yourself in the mirror u wonder…’Damn I look so good y do I need a haircut??’[though the whole wide world might strongly disagree]
Suddenly am jolted back to realty buy a hefty dark n thick guy asking “yen beku???”[what do you want]
Ummmmm I would want many things…….but rite now just a“haircut”!!!
And with that begins 10 to 15 mins long ordeal.
Made to sit on a nice chair and a cloth tied around your neck suspiciously way tighter….and then you are ready to begin..end….
You got the water spray which gives u goosebumps all over your body, and they agonizing images of your hairs being chopped off mercilessly, the smell of oil, aftershave, shaving cream, hair dyes all mixed up make for some interesting smell and the dinchak dinchak lousy songs on radio ,the skich kich clik sounds and hairs falling everywhere on your face…pretty sensational huh…..times u regret having those sensory organs…but the barber is a kind hearted man..he plans to relieve you of those agony by bringing his sharp pointed scissors, blades, mini grass cutting machines….all roll over your head and dangerously close to your eyes, ears, lips…. while you are made to tilt your face in all directions.
15 minutes when you are forced to realize how good looking or ugly you actually are…in front of a very unfriendly mirror….ruthlessly true always………..
They say ‘no pain.. no gain’………but here its ‘all pain and no gain whatsoever….’
A young guy wants a stylish sideburns, another guy wants his hair done red[thankfully I dint have to see how he looked after his makeover],some where dozing off while the barber massaged there head expertly, others where quite occupied in the magazines and papers lying around….none was least bothered……….except me!!!!
What is the other name for “being afraid of barber”???Barberophobia...sounds very much "barbaric" rite...???
At the end of it all as he pours and dabs some talcum powder on your neck and brushes off the hair from your face with a big huge brush[its similar to those used for brushing your dogs]….finally after you are untied of that useless piece of cloth ties around your neck ..and off the luxury dentist like chair cant help but wonder a nice decent haircut …and iam suddenly very strangely am lookin forward to the next haircut time……..until my eyes fall again on the blades, scissors, grass cutters[trimmers]...And my nose again gets the disturbing smell…and the as the music continues dinchak dinchak…awwwwwwwww shit……..and I hastily make my way out of the hairy floor beneath..…and out of the BARBERSHOP with a sign “Thank You Visit Again”…yeah right I will……….!!!
DISCLAIMER: The opinions are personal and means no harm to the barber community whatsoever. Any resemblance to barbers living or dead[impossible…hopefully] is purely coincidental…ya whatever!!
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