21 Things I have learnt

1) Patience. I can wait for anything now. Even the gal of my dreams. :P

2) Girls are really mean, its a gang mentality I tell you because when they are alone they are sweet and nice but when together (more than 1 gal) they are like Spartans...MADNESS!! Beware! After reading this they will go..




3) Shopping is a pain in the ass. Only Girls and Abhinav would jump in joy and rush to it when they see a 40% OFF sale board.

4) The uber cool sexy music playing in the background and people going wow at the sight of me was just my imagination!
DAMN IT!

5) Its tough to explain to people that I am not gay but I am more of a lesbian. I love women! :P

6) I am awesome.
(well felt so atleast till yesterday night)

7) There can be chats like this.

Me: Wasap
sabi: nothing much.
Me: k what doin?
Sabi: nothing much lo.
Me: hmm k so wat else?
Sabi: nothing..
Sabi: so what r u doin?
Me: @#$%^&&* nothing much

8) Some people don't get sarcasm.

He: you are so gay dude :P
Me: yeah right! ( NOTE: THIS IS HIGHLY SARCASTIC)
He: oh me too..
Me: ***facepalm**

9) I use the word 'ante' a lot. (ante- roughly means 'itseems' in kannada) and I get irritated each time I use it. But I keep using it.

10) From the above points I learnt that am Awesome, boring and really very weird.

11) Except the awesomeness part other two will screw my chance of having a gal ever!

12) I can watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S over and over again till the day I die and never get bored. It’s AWESOME!

13) Best seasons are monsoon and winter i.e. other than ALL THE SEASONS OF FRIENDS.

14) I don't understand the point of all the 'mantras'/ 'bhajans' that are played in the background along with dramatic music in all those silly scenes in painful tele serials on tv.
Scene:
Evil villain-ness with a serpentine bindi enters the room, the goody good housewife who is forever dressed up like a bride, but is washing the dishes have a faceoff. And we are made to listen to 'om mangalam no need to love..om managalam( wrong mantra I know.. well so are theirs) as the faces of both women flashes alternatively a 1000 times. YAWN!


15) Though the above point may make you think otherwise, I really don't watch serials. Last time I watched 'Rakhi ka swayamwar'. I realized that I was the only one among my friends to do so. Should add that to my resume as one of the CRAZIEST THING I EVER DID!

16) Some times people don't get my jokes. Sometimes when I am serious people think am infact 'cracking' a joke. Sigh.

17) Sometimes when I try to spook my sister by coming behind her in you know my 'stealth-mode-super quite-sneakily-quick' way but the crackling sound of my bones give me away. They sound as if I have a anklet around my leg. Am so noisy I fail. :( I hope its not a medical problem. Some guys are mirror-cracking material. Am well a BONE- CRACKING MATERIAL!! AWESUM **wink**



18) With all the creams that make you fairer and drinks what make u taller or longer and brighter and the detergents which make cloths 'zyada safedi'. We will all end up like a big glowing Zoozoo very soon.(or something bright and long..DON'T USE THAT DIRTY MIND OF YOURS )

19) To believe

20) >> ok I thought I learnt a lot in these 7 months.....what were the other two?? **scratches chin, head then someplace down in between le...ok I forgot! <<

I will be 21 soon...

Me

Some days back I took a Facebook " Know your Luck and Future" and the 'prediction’ was;

“Ram honey, you'll find romance blossoming . whether it's a renewed sense of commitment to the one you've been with for a while or a new person breezing into your life. The real story is located right in the center of your heart.''

I actually take this daily because
1) Am pretty jobless
2) Anita (who apparently tells these prediction) calls me 'sweety', honey', 'dear'. That feels great. (I know am such a LOSER)

And two ladies leave a comment,one about weather I understood what Anita meant and other feels that am pretty dumb when it comes to gals and I wont get it.

Well…

AM NOT DUMB!!

Now everyone keeps telling me to get a GF.
I mean I could, are they available in that corner store? Yes I am that lazy. Its hard work really. And I am no Hrithik when it comes to anatomy so I don't attract girls like even a puppy could (but I also feel I am..*tilts head, wags tail(??)* bow bow bow..SEE! very cute)
So going around searching is bit of hard work. And being coaxed by friends who are themselves SINGLE is like a joke!!

Apart from the obvious above reason my rather big nose which sometimes blocks my view when am half way through checking out a female structure and which has huge reserves of oil making it shiny like a brand new car doesn't really attract women. (and pimples popping up ruins the effect completely. DARN)

I some times feel all the ladies even half a km away is staring at me (I don't know exactly how many, nose blocks a few).Until I realized it was ONLY literally true because when they come nearer they just fail to notice me. Helooo!? that was rude! You were staring me a few hundred meters back. I SAW YOU DOING IT!! CHEATER!!

Other times I feel like the really smart and funny guy (which I am really) like in movies who cracks a joke and women are swooning and falling all over him(but again, hasn't happened so far. Damn those misleading Movies)

Only time I did got close to someone was with her the other day. We were just chit chatting some random stuff and I was curling my fingers around hers and was cracking awesome jokes and she was giggling away like.. well.. like she does.. I mean it’s pretty unique in a beautiful way. And suddenly out of the blue she just jumps on me and lands a deep passionate kiss. It was awesome!!!!! Yes it happened. Am not lying. Such a realistic dream I tell you. Sigh.

And lastly I am supposed to be this really nice, sweet guy. You might think that’s cool but seriously, trust me you don't want to be that. We are to gals what Dinosaurs are for people. Everyone likes us and goes wow at us but only when we are dead. Don't be fooled by cho chweet,cho cutee...soo nice of u...sweet ..You will get fucked but never get a chance to fuck.

So the only one I love is Deepika.

The following conversation with my friend (the bastard hits on his bhabhi) will prove you how much I lover her.


sabi: hw's alien v/s predators??

ramprakash: 1st one?
its super
2nd okey

sabi: i guess 1st 1 nly

ramprakash: ya its gud

sabi: a v/s p requiem anthe
wts tat??
1st or 2nd??

ramprakash: avp 2 is 2nd
:P
avp is 1st
:D

sabi: nin pinda
wen did avp 2 come??
k de 1 I tol is avp2
i want avp1
:|

ramprakash: and i want both a and p to eat u!!
deepu is minee!!!!


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P.S: If you thought this was funny then that smile on your face made writing this worthwhile. And by chance if you had always thought of me as a GOOD BOY and now realized that I am after all a jackass.
WAS KIDDING! GOD PROMISE!
:P

If a picture could

If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I could tell you exactly how beautiful the leafless tree looks on an autumn night.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
You would have been able to smile inspite of my silence.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I wouldn't find it hard to describe your madness to others.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
You wouldn't have been able to pick out words to misunderstand me.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I could have been a thousand times funnier and made you laugh instead.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
It wouldn't have been hard to prove my trustworthiness everytime.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
Sms-es would have been shorter than they already are.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
A thousand words would shed a tear at their unworthiness.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
You wouldn't have smiled or wondered at every other line in this blog.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I hope someday atleast one of my pixel would mean something to you.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
Even then I doubt you would understand me any better.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
My prayers and thanks to gods could have been shorter.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
My poem would have been just a bunch of moving pictures without any background score.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I could just show you this



and say...FUCK YOU a thousand times over.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
It would be a lie.

Blah blah blah ...

1) Ever since childhood I have had stage fright. In LKG, I was dressed up as Lord Krishna. I was ok with that. I looked ever the charmer (I don’t want those ‘charmer? You?’, just read on). Atleast I did to my Mom, dad and sis. And So I went on stage and instead of pretending to play flute and smile a lot so I could look cuute(r), I started to cry. Yes right in the middle of the stage in front of so many kids, their bored siblings (mummy!! I am bored lets go..), over enthu parents(ohh my daughter is gonna do so much better than Mrs.Kanthama’s) and their relatives who were dragged to see this by being told its the greatest show on earth (after America's got talent). And thus I was politely dragged off the stage. And things didn’t change when years later I was made to read the news in front of the assembly. I hated this. I so wanted to bunk the school that day. But I realised that I wouldn’t be spared, today, tomorrow or the day after I was going to be the sacrificial goat. No escaping death and humiliation. So I braved up and though I was sounding pretty good in my head (which I always do) was totally fucked up when I stood in front of my fellow school-mates. Seniors too bored and juniors too excited. And I stuttered worse then Mr. K..K..K..Khan. And that she would be watching me from her band set troupe at the back didn’t help matters. And sweating crazily I blabbered some news which didn't matter to anyone in anyway and I ran back to the assembly line. I wanted to disappear from planet earth. :(

2) May be my previous wish has come true. Because here in my neighbouring house there lives a family who is always dressed up in blue. The shades vary but whenever I see them they are in blue. I love blue, the sky, the water and the movies ;) But seriously they are over doing it. And I wouldn't be pissed this much but even their dresses are the same. The 2 little gals (not twins) and their mom parade in front of my house in blue salwar every (f*cking) evening. So as I had wished, I think I have landed up in Pandora and am living next to a bunch of Na'vi s (from the movie avatar) who mate through their hair genitals.
On the other side of my house lives a family who is not from Pandora but who I guess feel like what Americans must have felt after 9/11.They are forever locked up in a cage(gate cum mesh to prevent theft).They go out and lock the cage. They come back and lock the cage again. They live in a sense of Paranoia. Well those apart, the daughter who is around my age is quite pretty. So they are ok! :D

3) Sometimes I feel am damn SURE my life is fucked up. I got NO future..
Other times I feel am the BEST thing ever. And that I am AWESUMM! And I CAN do anything. Am damn SURE of it.
Wait!
Confusion!! (happens to me a lot)
Damn it!
I can't choose a state of mind. Or a thought process. I suck at choosing.
When friends give me a choice between going to two places to hangout I usually say "'anywhere' am ready..lets do it, yoohooo!!"
When they ask me what to eat? I say "anything will do"
The real reason for this will be revealed later. But when they pester me to choose I just say either of the two.
"Hey am not hungry.. anything will do."
"Lo am hungry just order something good!"
For other things, like when asked to choose between coffee or tea, between 2 women(has never happened) I usually say both! ;)

4) Though I am pretty ok mentally that is if you ignore me getting confused, physically there are some problems.
I got no taste buds. Whenever we eat out, my friends start commenting about how good or bad the food is. I can't really tell unless it’s absolutely disgusting. So I get these remarks a lot..
>>> Friend tastes the thing and makes a face (like he is about to take a dump) and says disgustingly. 'How the heck are you eating this?' I just shake my head and mumble something.. inaudible <<Others are plain sweet and gobble things up along and don't comment. But I can tell by how much they are eating that they don’t like it one bit. But I as always will be filling my mouth as if it’s a cement mixer. Yeah cement gravel and sand. I can't tell.:|

5) Thats it for now. :)

Coz the cupid was late

My Dear "the most beautiful girl I have ever seen",

Hey!! Happy Valentines Day! And I hope mine is the only letter you get today!You must be like ‘Who the F*ck are you??’.We will meet soon.But you need to read a story before that.

The story of my Love.
I died on the 7th of Jan 2010.(at this you must be wondering-WTF love story is this? You died at the beginning itself?) And as I had always wished, had turned into a weightless cold ghost. Life after death can be boring at times so me and my friends(fellow ghosts) go around the city checking on interesting people (I mean chiks obviously) at night. Only at night because of the 'I’ve-no-fucking-clue-why' reason. Well we are 3 of us in this part of the town, me, Mr Shy, who always wanted to sing and dance but was well..shy, so he does that all the time now as he is dead(DUH) and so can't be shy. Then there is Mrs blah who can talk for hours non stop and is kinda funny so I don't mind her chatter. And also there is the 4th ghost Mr.Dead_man@Midearth.com but he is usually online(yeah cyber ghosts do exist) all the time and so we hardly get to see him. Me and my friends often wonder what can he be possibly doing there tweet that "am dead but I still get cold *sniff*"???

Well as the clocks chimed 11 (which is an hour before the actual 'our' time) I set off through the concrete jungle. I love invading other's privacy. And this night I saw a lot of action happening. Tomorrow is the 14th of feb. And unlike me(when I was alive) many a bastards are lucky and they send around these long sms-es which travel through me to the nearest tower. Lot of sweet talks and mushy mushy happening before the clock strikes 12,they don't want to spend a single rupee or love with the mobile operators on the 14th. And just to quench your curiosity yeah, I read them all, even the "make love" ones!!(Yeah! Am a pervert ghost)
As I made way through the long sloppy kisses, warm hugs, bytes of 'pleasure-cries', I spot a young 20 something girl at her balcony. She was dressed in a white tee and a knee-length pj with a burning black cigarette between her fingers. It was a cool night there was no noise other than the chirping of the crickets and my own hard breathing (yes we can breath).Leaning on the railings she ties up her shoulder length hairs and closes her eyes as if feeling the cool breeze is gently washing her face like waves on a beach. Her face is devoid of any expression. After waiting for like hours, she finally opened her beautiful dark eyes. I immediately get closer,(it would have been too close if I was alive, but now I can only give her some goosebumps on her smooth fair skin).I stare at her eyes to see what’s she feeling deep inside her pretty face. As if she senses my presence she turns her head away and instead stares into the empty night. Somewhat pissed (yeah we get pissed too and that’s when we usually scare people otherwise we are cool..I mean cold) I hover (yeah, yeah like a helicopter.NICE ;)) in front of her but then again she looks away, this time, up , at the beautiful starry sky. And she blows out a cloud of smoke and watches them rise... I can see the smoke reflect in her 'awww' dark eyes. But each time something or the other blocks (or blurrs) me from making a eye contact with her. The culprit this time was the tears. Little pearls of pain make their way through her kajal-ed eye and it slithers down slowly through her cheeks.I wanted to stop the tears.I wanted to sing her the song by Fergie "big girls don't cry"(umm naa..that would have made her cry more).I wanted to scare her so bloody bad that her tears would be sucked back in. But I couldn't, wouldn't...would you? So just as a tear was about to fall off her chin I put my hand beneath it. And before I knew I burned just like the cigarette now between her sexy red lips. And I burned deeper and bright. And like those ashes I fell down to screaming hell or was it into love. yeah! I wanted to yell and dance in joy...but then I realised..Damn it! I was dead...

That girl was you.

Am truly madly in love with you. And all I want is a chance to be with you. I want to watch the sunset together as our shadows kissed behind us. I want to feel the pain you felt and the happiness behind your smile. God promise, I LOVE YOU..and will forever and mind you this God promise I mean it (I met God a week back and he was pretty pissed because of all the false god promises I had made. In my defence, I always felt that God can't possibly die if we broke the promise, right?).
BTW I asked Mr. Yum Raj and he told you’ll be dead in like 4 hours coz of your bad chain smoking habit it made your lungs stab holes to itself. So anyways I’ll be waiting at the entrance of Indravan gardens. Don't worry you won't get lost, everyone knows Indravan Gardens..its got a big dam and a musical fountain too. Very romantic.Can't wait to meet you. Hope we can get to know each other better. And hopefully love.

Yours forever and after,
Boo!!!

P.S: I look just as cute as Casper.But sexier ;)

Growing up- Season 2

Growing up I had had lot of questions(mostly directed at my dad).And he would answer each one of them patiently.As the years passed the questions changed yet the each one was answered by him.But some of the questions haven't changed like "How much longer,are we there yet?"and still I get a calm patient reply.Well for some of the other questions there was ofcourse the google,wiki and other such "good sites":P

Growing up I had my share of crushes and crushes.
Some crushes were sweet, like the gal in the 3rd grade who on her last day at school smelled like a sweet candy she was giving away as a parting gift.sweet candy to drown the sorrows.My advanced smell sensors(this has nothing to do with my somewhat bigger nose,mind you) can still pick it up if I happen to 'smell' her again somewhere .But some of the other crushes were not at all as sweet or memorable as they were mostly spent under the class bully's smelly armpit.Being tiny din't help matters against the giant-assed-over-grown-mean-shit-headded-retards(why am I so whiny?).Sadly these crushes I can still smell some around me.

Growing up I was shy.I hardly ever had the courage(yeah courage) even to start a conversation with the member of the opposite sex.I used to get tongue tied,hanged,stabbed or whatever and had my sweat glands in over drives on my forehead,behind my ears and palm and other regions of my gorgeous anotomy.All the thoughts and wonderful filmy lines remained in my head and drowned themselves to sorrow death in the flood of sweats.And as expected I din't have a gf.Years later Internet came into my life and it helped me put words to my thoughts and those words sounded in your heads and well even though am no better now.But life is better.

Growing up I discovered books,movies,music.Yeah whats so special in that, you might wonder because its no big deal unless you are the the caveman dressed in a 2 piece sexy deerskin.But I just adore these stuffs a litlle more than you.Makes reality sweeter,sexier, bearable and awesome-er.

Growing up I made some amazing friends.
Abhinav who has a disorder to forget things(best guy to tell secrets coz won't remember a damn thing after 18 hours or less) ,aparna who is magically mad.(don't even get me started on the reasons for her madness and ofcourse the magic),arun the highly sensitive guy(hides it under blankets of oh-I-don't-cares),jayanth who helped me get a degree(will be a great teacher someday but says doesn't want to be :P ),vivek the partner in crime in the 2 years of college(though we discovered each other a bit late).Hopefuly these people wil be around me forever.
Not to forget
Amarnath-for being a centimeter or two shorter and thus sparing me from being the 1st in line at the assembly.
Prajwal- for having crush on the same gal and giving company in the quest
Sahana- for being the santa claus sans any gifts :P
and many more..
They make the chat window have a LOL and LMAO,gol gappas spicier,nights crazier,class funnier and in general life awesome-er!(atleast leave sweet comments in return for the praises :P )

Growing up I became the Devdas.I fell in love,struggled to keep it and then had my heart broken.Naa not really!! Was kidding but well, I did see others going through all that.One went on his knees in front of the love of his life under the trees as dead leaves of the autumn season rained around them,one popped pills and ALMOST(?) died to scare the shit out of his love to stay(and it worked) while the other drained bottles of beer on top of a bridge as he let go off his love.


Growing up I got a job on my first job interview.Again for which credit goes to my friends in a way.After college I was expecting to be buzy with work.But haven't yet, after 6 months.My situation is like a pregnant lady having a healthy baby in her womb but which is refusing to come out.Each time the frustration grows it either pushes out a hand and say "hey ya..I'l be right out soon mama" or puts the tiny foot out and say "am coming out...1...2...3.." or in rare cases peak its head out and screams like a teenager "am coming..just a minute" (teenager inside the womb!am goin nuts)but alas hasn't come out yet.(was it too gross?) yeah I am having labour pains without doing any labour.I still wait with great patience.Which is one of the things I have learned in this long break.Now I'm so bloody patient that if a doctor spots me he wil take and label me a permanent patient in some hospital.(like Anand bhai in munnabhai MBBS, but I won't get a bed)


Growing up I realised things change.Things are indeed changing for better or for worse(at their own pace).Why sudden realisation you may ask.No I din't hit puberty late(am 20 afteral!) and No No... am still shy in front of gals and so am still stuck being single(damn it!!).Its just that things change, how much ever you want it not to.The harder you hold on to something the faster it slips right through your clenched fist.Its like squeezing a ripe mango. Ok now don't imagine something else with that dirty mind of yours, what am talking about is kinda serious and sad. :P

Growing up I met you and this ones for you...


P.S: did it get too much of a senti-fest?

Growing up

I am not a big fan of growing up.All those people with 'this-is-life-live-it-loser' attitude in life don't read further. I hate growing up.anything < 20 is the best. Well Growing up, I always wondered what Life was all about,was confused about god and I wanted to learn how to whistle well the biggest mystery was understanding gals.

Talking of life.
I am 20 (yeah suckers am younger than thou :P ) but I still haven't figured out what this shit is all about.Whats with this endless- mindless cycle of Birth, Living, dying(hair dye) and the real dying(GOTAK).It has to happen for a reason right??

Likely Reason 1- God!
If god is the reason then he belives in that 'karma' thingy like those bloody firangs these days. So God makes me pay in this birth for all the bad things I did in the pichla janam( raaz pichle janam ka might help now). Ok lets assume this is true, so we all like come, do shit, die, get reborn, pay for shitting in the last janam for free(like you do in public loo's) and later die again.Then we all go to heaven and live happily ever after(Thats unless you shitted more than you can pay for and ended up in hell and get boiled to death again). My problem is even if you ended up in heaven then what? You just watch those apsaras shake their booty all day long? (trust me even that would get boring after a certain time)

Likely Reason 2- No God!
Now lets assume God doesn't exist like most of these 'smart a-ss-theist belive.(So you can't say "Bhagvan aaj tak maine aapse kuch nahin maanga..pass me in this exam plzz)
Wouldn't that make the whole bloody universe a pointless excersise? ok a 1 in a trillion chance of some atom coliding with other excited thingy(WTF were they excited for anyways?) and thus created life( or whatver the theory is).A single living cell happened.And it divided and kept doin it and then a lil more and thus evolution ended up creating me and you.So now again like after all this these chance pe dance evolution happened.I will even assume that aliens exist and they don't look as hot as Megan Fox.NOW WHAT? Evolution keeps happening on and on, deaths, births happen blah blah WHATS THE BLOODY POINT OF IT ALL? I mean, in this senario though scientific and hip, people have no conciense of a supreme power checking on them so they get to keep shitting where and when they like and not pay EVER.The whole thing wil end up being a giant shit ball won't it?


So after reading this you would either be like "whoa this guy needs help" (90% of you) or whistling and envy my marvelous brain for having thought about it.(I know that could only be YOU! yup YOU)

Talking of whistling.
Growing up I always had this urge to whistle(yeah at ladies) but I still don't know how to whistle.I refered youtube for help and a guy who claims to be a great whistler tells me its just a 4 step thing.I do it and gag.I mean you put something in your mouth and blow.( it even sounds dirty and kinky)So like most things in life I get a great urge to give up.Will I? Will I never be able to blow whisle at a pretty gal walkin past and get slapped?( I dont want to)

Talking of pretty gals.
I love pretty gals. I love gals. I really do.But like most unlucky males am single and was happy.
But this converstaion with a gal who hardly knows me kind of pressed the alarm button and made me panic.

She: So what are your interests?
Me: books,movies,music,a lil photography,gals ;) (yeah was trying to be extra smart and cool)
She: gals?
Me: Yah you see every guy is interested in gals.:P
she: not really!
ME: what do you mean?yeah may be, if that guy is a gay!
She: well you you don't seem to be interested and you obviously don't have a gf..
Me:whaa..t?

BINGO AD: isse kehte hein ghaav....

Rather unsettled with that above conversation( And she ain't the first one..I have had these remarks from people for quite sometime now).I shared this conversation with my guide cum mentor and what-not friend 'mata-chums' and asked her opinion.

Mata-chums: yeah that means you are gay!
Me: :|

BINGO Ad (continues): Aur isse kehte hein ghaav pe namak!!




P.S I loved this song.Cute video and the hidden message it gives.
FIREFLIES- OWL CITY