?????

When I was growing up I had lots of questions. ARE WE THERE YET? WHY DOES MOON HAVE DARK SPOTS? WHY DO STARS SHINE? ARE WE THERE YET? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY @#$#$%? WHY DOES MY HEART BEAT FASTER WHEN I SEE HER? These questions continue to this day but the questions themselves are not clear and are more of a confusion . Only the question marks “???” at the end are more profound.

To be happy or sad???
Now that I'm full time home waiting for my 'work' part of life to start, these realizations haunt me. My buddy tells me to enjoy the holidays while it lasts. But the uncertainty of the ending of this supposed ‘bliss time' makes it hard to enjoy or sulk for that matter. Uncertainty rules my life. I am always uncertain and this leaves a lot of questions in my head. Should I be happily 'enjoying' the holidays or feel sad because it will end 'someday' which I am waiting for in the 1st place!

To be jealous or not to be?????
I can't bunk college! I can't go watch a movie 1st day 1st show! Should I be jealous of my other friends or not. I can’t Bunk classes and talk crap under a tree or play games which we used to play in school ( sabi is doing it a lot these days).Can’t make a long unplanned trip! My lecturers still advice me " allu heege irbeda"( don't be like the way you were in college at your workplace) , "become serious at least there ram!!". Thing is , I don't want to change, always believed that behaving and discipline is for the old and the ARMY! Age catches up I guess! But then again, I can be Independent!!

To be nice or not to be????
"sure no problem"( really??? ) Do I have to agree to everything my peers wish? Why don't I ever say no???? Is it the need to be "accepted as a good guy" or what? Why can't I be not nice and say NO to the "requests" people make when at the back of my mind I least care????
Or is that I am too much of a 'help all buddha' ( baad mein apne gaand mein danda! that rhymes ;) ) Quite a few of my deeds have ended up in me suffering soon after, which is always because of the supposed help I gave to that selfish someone. Or is it too much to expect back anything! Will I be bad if I am not nice? Will I be any good if I am nice????

Even after 100s of Facebook quizzes telling me everything from what I was in my past birth" to the "true personality test" I am no way close to figuring out myself! Getting stuck trying to choose from a simple T-shirt to the deeper questions in life, I am pretty much confused in almost everything! Do I shoo away the cute little pup peeing on my gate or not? Should I let go the poor little kid trying to steal my old cycle which I don’t use anymore or not???? If there’s a great chance that the risk will ruin my life, should I take it? It may make my life. Should I really think so much or not???? What the hell am I thinking about exactly???? Should I crack a PJ at this stage to make the whole post seem funny or not?? Will you really laugh at it or not??? BTW do I even make good PJs or not????????? HELP!

And so the questions and confusion continues…
ARE WE THERE YET??
Not yet...