Dying

I Feel shitty in my own shack
So I go sit on the railway track
I see at far the tracks meet
I believe its not a mirage or trick
I see them meet at a distance
until I walk along to realize..

I want to say without saying
I want a smile everlasting
I want to cry myself dry
Sin I did will make me fry
I want to thank a meaningful
to have seen someone so beautiful..

Varied thoughts buzz around the hive
As my mind zips on an insane drive
So in deep blue I let out my last bubble
Smiling shittily I fade,coz its the end of struggle..

times...

1) A mother whining that her son will lose 'one whole year' because of the new rule which states that the child should be a minimum of 5 years to get admission into 1st standard.Her son happens to be 4 years old. WTF is wrong with people??

2) Salman Khan in a detergent ad where he runs behind a lady then takes a towel/pallu rubs it in between his legs( in his trademark step) then throws it towards the camera saying "iss mein he nimboo ki shakti aur hazaroon phoolon ki kushboo". Sigh!

3) Office on a sunday.ARGHAAAAAAAAA!!

4) Lightning,thunder,wind, baarish... :)

5) Watch the smoke rise under the moonlit,chilly night as your throat warms to hot whiskey.

6) Get bitten by a bloody mosquito when experiencing the above and falling back to reality ;)

7) Some people smile when asleep

8) That too when NOT having a 'dirty dream'.

9) The urinal in the office restroom is so sensitive it flushes at the slightest movement and it sprays.Its hard work to pee and not look as if you peed on yourself like in school.

10) Police and moral police are a pain in the ass.Especially when you are not a criminal or immoral.

11) Its been more than 2 months that I updated this blog.That's because I was very busy with work.

12) Surprisingly I have had some of the best days of my life in these 2 months.And all of it happened out of the office. :D

13) Sleeping because I need to.Not because I can,want to or just felt like it. :(

14) Eating because I need to.Not because I can,want to or just felt like it. :(

15) >>> Censored <<< because I can,want to or just felt like it.Not because I need to. ;)

16) Guess the word which is censored.

17) Yeah you win no special prizes for it.

18) Previous 2 lines were just to fill up the count upto 21.And I know you are like WATVER dude!

19) I have just watched 3 movies and read 2 books in the last 3 months.But again I don't feel like rushing to the theater or to get a DVD,buy a book or Hang out with friends after 12 hours of getting screwed in office.I hardly do much these days.Am like a uncle who goes to office early morning and returns in the evening.And is too tired after that to move his ass from the couch.I sometimes feel am a really very boring guy these days.

20) My friends who agree with the above point.FUCK YOU!!!!! :P

21) Peace! :)

Kya ba, Kya karto?

Ok for those who did not know, am out of home( finally!!) Yeah they took me out of my room finally after months and then put me in a AC room(which is pretty sadistic and wants to freeze me to death) and show endless PPTs ( well some were really v.v.good.SERIOUSLY).
So again I learnt quite a few stuff ( Am quite a learner eh? )

1) To be Prof-ae-ssional. (Yes that’s how our trainer spells it). :P
2) They tell you it’s just like a family. But they will check your bags, won’t allow you into every other floor. For security reasons they say, well whatever happened to being a family I wonder? Confusing really. Sigh.
3) You should learn all the languages. It really helps in pataoing chiks.( you can be the knight in the shining armour or formal clothing in this case who helps the pretty gal from a distant land) Unlucky guys like me who are lingually challenged or limited to 3 languages lose out in the wild competition. SAD.
4) People still think am silent and that I don’t talk much. And the irony is I am the one who introduced, initiated a conversation, smiled and nodded. What do they expect? Speech??
5) Some people are awesome.
6) Some are jerks.
7) I knew that already. But the AC drove the point deep inside my head. :P
8) There is a torture room without any windows or fresh air. The stale air was suffocating. My batch was allotted that room for training. Am so fucked. Damn it!
9) **Dozed off***
10) I am addicted to caffeine.But even that doesn’t control the sleep sometimes :D
11) HRs are so totally coool…till they lose their cool i.e and then they cut the PPT short and storm-out. :P
12) The HR head says ours is the worst batch in his 20 odd years of career. Its just like in college and school where all the lecturers used to tell the same thing. I feel young again after all the ‘growing ups’:P
13) There is 1 guy whose face forever looks lik this :[ but the moment a senior approaches it turns into :D. I tried to J, :P but all were returned with the same :[ look. I didn’t try ;) though, will do next time. Optimistic :P
14) N/Ws + routers + switches + etc=orgasm.
15) Playing BINGO.
16) Somethings don’t change. I’m still the lord of the last bench.Once me and my friend Guru(not from the movie,but I do sing guru bhai guru bhai aya che aay aaya guru bhai upon his arrival) tried sitting somewhere in the middle of the training room.So we came and took our seats about 10 mins before the sessions.But 5 mins into the sessions we realized we were in the last again. I still haven’t figured how that happened.
17) Was previous point was too long?
18) New beginning,new things, new excitement,new people, new place, new underwear :D
19) Got my Dog tag feel like wagging my tail and barking woof woof and howling into the night.
20) The previous point is to be read as : I got my ID card and am pretty excited seeing and wearing it and wanna yell yoohooo.
21) Now that am thinking of pay and stuff,should I start reading Dilbert soon?



P.S The title means 'wasap dude what doing?' new lingo.

21 Things I have learnt

1) Patience. I can wait for anything now. Even the gal of my dreams. :P

2) Girls are really mean, its a gang mentality I tell you because when they are alone they are sweet and nice but when together (more than 1 gal) they are like Spartans...MADNESS!! Beware! After reading this they will go..




3) Shopping is a pain in the ass. Only Girls and Abhinav would jump in joy and rush to it when they see a 40% OFF sale board.

4) The uber cool sexy music playing in the background and people going wow at the sight of me was just my imagination!
DAMN IT!

5) Its tough to explain to people that I am not gay but I am more of a lesbian. I love women! :P

6) I am awesome.
(well felt so atleast till yesterday night)

7) There can be chats like this.

Me: Wasap
sabi: nothing much.
Me: k what doin?
Sabi: nothing much lo.
Me: hmm k so wat else?
Sabi: nothing..
Sabi: so what r u doin?
Me: @#$%^&&* nothing much

8) Some people don't get sarcasm.

He: you are so gay dude :P
Me: yeah right! ( NOTE: THIS IS HIGHLY SARCASTIC)
He: oh me too..
Me: ***facepalm**

9) I use the word 'ante' a lot. (ante- roughly means 'itseems' in kannada) and I get irritated each time I use it. But I keep using it.

10) From the above points I learnt that am Awesome, boring and really very weird.

11) Except the awesomeness part other two will screw my chance of having a gal ever!

12) I can watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S over and over again till the day I die and never get bored. It’s AWESOME!

13) Best seasons are monsoon and winter i.e. other than ALL THE SEASONS OF FRIENDS.

14) I don't understand the point of all the 'mantras'/ 'bhajans' that are played in the background along with dramatic music in all those silly scenes in painful tele serials on tv.
Scene:
Evil villain-ness with a serpentine bindi enters the room, the goody good housewife who is forever dressed up like a bride, but is washing the dishes have a faceoff. And we are made to listen to 'om mangalam no need to love..om managalam( wrong mantra I know.. well so are theirs) as the faces of both women flashes alternatively a 1000 times. YAWN!


15) Though the above point may make you think otherwise, I really don't watch serials. Last time I watched 'Rakhi ka swayamwar'. I realized that I was the only one among my friends to do so. Should add that to my resume as one of the CRAZIEST THING I EVER DID!

16) Some times people don't get my jokes. Sometimes when I am serious people think am infact 'cracking' a joke. Sigh.

17) Sometimes when I try to spook my sister by coming behind her in you know my 'stealth-mode-super quite-sneakily-quick' way but the crackling sound of my bones give me away. They sound as if I have a anklet around my leg. Am so noisy I fail. :( I hope its not a medical problem. Some guys are mirror-cracking material. Am well a BONE- CRACKING MATERIAL!! AWESUM **wink**



18) With all the creams that make you fairer and drinks what make u taller or longer and brighter and the detergents which make cloths 'zyada safedi'. We will all end up like a big glowing Zoozoo very soon.(or something bright and long..DON'T USE THAT DIRTY MIND OF YOURS )

19) To believe

20) >> ok I thought I learnt a lot in these 7 months.....what were the other two?? **scratches chin, head then someplace down in between le...ok I forgot! <<

I will be 21 soon...

Me

Some days back I took a Facebook " Know your Luck and Future" and the 'prediction’ was;

“Ram honey, you'll find romance blossoming . whether it's a renewed sense of commitment to the one you've been with for a while or a new person breezing into your life. The real story is located right in the center of your heart.''

I actually take this daily because
1) Am pretty jobless
2) Anita (who apparently tells these prediction) calls me 'sweety', honey', 'dear'. That feels great. (I know am such a LOSER)

And two ladies leave a comment,one about weather I understood what Anita meant and other feels that am pretty dumb when it comes to gals and I wont get it.

Well…

AM NOT DUMB!!

Now everyone keeps telling me to get a GF.
I mean I could, are they available in that corner store? Yes I am that lazy. Its hard work really. And I am no Hrithik when it comes to anatomy so I don't attract girls like even a puppy could (but I also feel I am..*tilts head, wags tail(??)* bow bow bow..SEE! very cute)
So going around searching is bit of hard work. And being coaxed by friends who are themselves SINGLE is like a joke!!

Apart from the obvious above reason my rather big nose which sometimes blocks my view when am half way through checking out a female structure and which has huge reserves of oil making it shiny like a brand new car doesn't really attract women. (and pimples popping up ruins the effect completely. DARN)

I some times feel all the ladies even half a km away is staring at me (I don't know exactly how many, nose blocks a few).Until I realized it was ONLY literally true because when they come nearer they just fail to notice me. Helooo!? that was rude! You were staring me a few hundred meters back. I SAW YOU DOING IT!! CHEATER!!

Other times I feel like the really smart and funny guy (which I am really) like in movies who cracks a joke and women are swooning and falling all over him(but again, hasn't happened so far. Damn those misleading Movies)

Only time I did got close to someone was with her the other day. We were just chit chatting some random stuff and I was curling my fingers around hers and was cracking awesome jokes and she was giggling away like.. well.. like she does.. I mean it’s pretty unique in a beautiful way. And suddenly out of the blue she just jumps on me and lands a deep passionate kiss. It was awesome!!!!! Yes it happened. Am not lying. Such a realistic dream I tell you. Sigh.

And lastly I am supposed to be this really nice, sweet guy. You might think that’s cool but seriously, trust me you don't want to be that. We are to gals what Dinosaurs are for people. Everyone likes us and goes wow at us but only when we are dead. Don't be fooled by cho chweet,cho cutee...soo nice of u...sweet ..You will get fucked but never get a chance to fuck.

So the only one I love is Deepika.

The following conversation with my friend (the bastard hits on his bhabhi) will prove you how much I lover her.


sabi: hw's alien v/s predators??

ramprakash: 1st one?
its super
2nd okey

sabi: i guess 1st 1 nly

ramprakash: ya its gud

sabi: a v/s p requiem anthe
wts tat??
1st or 2nd??

ramprakash: avp 2 is 2nd
:P
avp is 1st
:D

sabi: nin pinda
wen did avp 2 come??
k de 1 I tol is avp2
i want avp1
:|

ramprakash: and i want both a and p to eat u!!
deepu is minee!!!!


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P.S: If you thought this was funny then that smile on your face made writing this worthwhile. And by chance if you had always thought of me as a GOOD BOY and now realized that I am after all a jackass.
WAS KIDDING! GOD PROMISE!
:P

If a picture could

If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I could tell you exactly how beautiful the leafless tree looks on an autumn night.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
You would have been able to smile inspite of my silence.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I wouldn't find it hard to describe your madness to others.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
You wouldn't have been able to pick out words to misunderstand me.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I could have been a thousand times funnier and made you laugh instead.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
It wouldn't have been hard to prove my trustworthiness everytime.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
Sms-es would have been shorter than they already are.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
A thousand words would shed a tear at their unworthiness.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
You wouldn't have smiled or wondered at every other line in this blog.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I hope someday atleast one of my pixel would mean something to you.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
Even then I doubt you would understand me any better.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
My prayers and thanks to gods could have been shorter.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
My poem would have been just a bunch of moving pictures without any background score.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
I could just show you this



and say...FUCK YOU a thousand times over.
If a picture could speak a thousand words,
It would be a lie.

Blah blah blah ...

1) Ever since childhood I have had stage fright. In LKG, I was dressed up as Lord Krishna. I was ok with that. I looked ever the charmer (I don’t want those ‘charmer? You?’, just read on). Atleast I did to my Mom, dad and sis. And So I went on stage and instead of pretending to play flute and smile a lot so I could look cuute(r), I started to cry. Yes right in the middle of the stage in front of so many kids, their bored siblings (mummy!! I am bored lets go..), over enthu parents(ohh my daughter is gonna do so much better than Mrs.Kanthama’s) and their relatives who were dragged to see this by being told its the greatest show on earth (after America's got talent). And thus I was politely dragged off the stage. And things didn’t change when years later I was made to read the news in front of the assembly. I hated this. I so wanted to bunk the school that day. But I realised that I wouldn’t be spared, today, tomorrow or the day after I was going to be the sacrificial goat. No escaping death and humiliation. So I braved up and though I was sounding pretty good in my head (which I always do) was totally fucked up when I stood in front of my fellow school-mates. Seniors too bored and juniors too excited. And I stuttered worse then Mr. K..K..K..Khan. And that she would be watching me from her band set troupe at the back didn’t help matters. And sweating crazily I blabbered some news which didn't matter to anyone in anyway and I ran back to the assembly line. I wanted to disappear from planet earth. :(

2) May be my previous wish has come true. Because here in my neighbouring house there lives a family who is always dressed up in blue. The shades vary but whenever I see them they are in blue. I love blue, the sky, the water and the movies ;) But seriously they are over doing it. And I wouldn't be pissed this much but even their dresses are the same. The 2 little gals (not twins) and their mom parade in front of my house in blue salwar every (f*cking) evening. So as I had wished, I think I have landed up in Pandora and am living next to a bunch of Na'vi s (from the movie avatar) who mate through their hair genitals.
On the other side of my house lives a family who is not from Pandora but who I guess feel like what Americans must have felt after 9/11.They are forever locked up in a cage(gate cum mesh to prevent theft).They go out and lock the cage. They come back and lock the cage again. They live in a sense of Paranoia. Well those apart, the daughter who is around my age is quite pretty. So they are ok! :D

3) Sometimes I feel am damn SURE my life is fucked up. I got NO future..
Other times I feel am the BEST thing ever. And that I am AWESUMM! And I CAN do anything. Am damn SURE of it.
Wait!
Confusion!! (happens to me a lot)
Damn it!
I can't choose a state of mind. Or a thought process. I suck at choosing.
When friends give me a choice between going to two places to hangout I usually say "'anywhere' am ready..lets do it, yoohooo!!"
When they ask me what to eat? I say "anything will do"
The real reason for this will be revealed later. But when they pester me to choose I just say either of the two.
"Hey am not hungry.. anything will do."
"Lo am hungry just order something good!"
For other things, like when asked to choose between coffee or tea, between 2 women(has never happened) I usually say both! ;)

4) Though I am pretty ok mentally that is if you ignore me getting confused, physically there are some problems.
I got no taste buds. Whenever we eat out, my friends start commenting about how good or bad the food is. I can't really tell unless it’s absolutely disgusting. So I get these remarks a lot..
>>> Friend tastes the thing and makes a face (like he is about to take a dump) and says disgustingly. 'How the heck are you eating this?' I just shake my head and mumble something.. inaudible <<Others are plain sweet and gobble things up along and don't comment. But I can tell by how much they are eating that they don’t like it one bit. But I as always will be filling my mouth as if it’s a cement mixer. Yeah cement gravel and sand. I can't tell.:|

5) Thats it for now. :)