Apna Santa puttar!!!

You wish everyone “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year”…so here I write what I should have written some days back…well never mind..it ain't 31^st yet!!

So its Christmas time and everyone has just 1 person in their mind[no not the gifts or cake..they aint a person you see]…well he is the guy with one of the ‘cold’est job!!!

He pushes his feet in to the scuffed black boots before styling his beard with Brylcreem. [Brylcreem…yeah he dropped one half used sachet of it once] he couldn’t wait for tomorrow when he could shave the damn thing off. Tomorrow. It seemed like such a long way off. All those houses, all those gifts, all those not so clean chimneys to get down. And those reindeers, jumping, running and they are supposed to be flying too…and yeah also farting in his face and pretending like they had no control. The ministry [of the north pole???] had rejected his application for a car. Again. Well the IPCC didn’t win a Noble for no reason!!!! Environmentally unfriendly they said. As though all that methane was good for the planet[guess its natural and hence nature friendly]. Sure, there were days he thought of quitting but the perks were good…very gooood. 364 days a year off!!! ….now how often and in which job do you get that???? And added bonus of Free milk and cookies[yeah cookies…]and a whole lot of elves to do the chores…well the software companies would have a tough time employing this fellow….and just the one day he had to work. Some would even say he was famous, well not in a Paris Hilton kind of way, but still pretty good for a man 364 days in hibernation[I guess]. But he is a happy man and remindes himself ‘You shouldn’t complain so much’ as he settles down in the sleigh. Life could be worse. You could be the Easter Bunny!!!

And with a heavy sack of gifts he sighs ‘ho ho ho’ which sounds majestic and happy “HO HO HO!!!” to everyone…well that’s SANTA for you..not the one from SANTA&BANTA….its SANTA CLAUS !!

MERRY XMAS

WELCOME to the BARBERSHOP!!!

Unlike in school where u had 2 months of holidays after an exam ….in college you get a 15 days holidays after an exam which lasted more than a month.

Nonetheless its HOLIDAYS!!!!

What do I do on a holiday…well I plan to get a haircut .

Again unlike women going to a beauty parlor…going to a barbershop is quite an extraordinary thing.

It wasn’t so bad until recently when I go to this barbershop near my house “Welcome” shouts a sign in the front……… and as I enter am greeted by big posters of madhuri n priety zinta…not getting what they are supposed to be doing in a men’s parlor I wonder if its to lure people in to have their hair cut or ……….[what!!??]

After that deep thought I look around as there are more posters of men with weird hairdo’s most of them look Chinese…which is quite unfortunate because we Indians cannot have those hairstyles and look as good…..nor would it be appreciated…

To make matter worse they got those huge mirrors in front and back and staring at those multiple images of yourself all staring just as blankly back at you…. and you look at those having their hairs cut and don’t be surprised if u see them all staring back at you while you would be smirking at their hairstyles or something……and sadly there isn’t any Alice from the wonderland [i.e. from the other side of the mirror.]

And looking at yourself in the mirror u wonder…’Damn I look so good y do I need a haircut??’[though the whole wide world might strongly disagree]

Suddenly am jolted back to realty buy a hefty dark n thick guy asking “yen beku???”[what do you want]

Ummmmm I would want many things…….but rite now just a“haircut”!!!

And with that begins 10 to 15 mins long ordeal.

Made to sit on a nice chair and a cloth tied around your neck suspiciously way tighter….and then you are ready to begin..end….

You got the water spray which gives u goosebumps all over your body, and they agonizing images of your hairs being chopped off mercilessly, the smell of oil, aftershave, shaving cream, hair dyes all mixed up make for some interesting smell and the dinchak dinchak lousy songs on radio ,the skich kich clik sounds and hairs falling everywhere on your face…pretty sensational huh…..times u regret having those sensory organs…but the barber is a kind hearted man..he plans to relieve you of those agony by bringing his sharp pointed scissors, blades, mini grass cutting machines….all roll over your head and dangerously close to your eyes, ears, lips…. while you are made to tilt your face in all directions.

15 minutes when you are forced to realize how good looking or ugly you actually are…in front of a very unfriendly mirror….ruthlessly true always………..

They say ‘no pain.. no gain’………but here its ‘all pain and no gain whatsoever….’

A young guy wants a stylish sideburns, another guy wants his hair done red[thankfully I dint have to see how he looked after his makeover],some where dozing off while the barber massaged there head expertly, others where quite occupied in the magazines and papers lying around….none was least bothered……….except me!!!!

What is the other name for “being afraid of barber”???Barberophobia...sounds very much "barbaric" rite...???

At the end of it all as he pours and dabs some talcum powder on your neck and brushes off the hair from your face with a big huge brush[its similar to those used for brushing your dogs]….finally after you are untied of that useless piece of cloth ties around your neck ..and off the luxury dentist like chair cant help but wonder a nice decent haircut …and iam suddenly very strangely am lookin forward to the next haircut time……..until my eyes fall again on the blades, scissors, grass cutters[trimmers]...And my nose again gets the disturbing smell…and the as the music continues dinchak dinchak…awwwwwwwww shit……..and I hastily make my way out of the hairy floor beneath..…and out of the BARBERSHOP with a sign “Thank You Visit Again”…yeah right I will……….!!!

DISCLAIMER: The opinions are personal and means no harm to the barber community whatsoever. Any resemblance to barbers living or dead[impossible…hopefully] is purely coincidental…ya whatever!!

TOUR-DE-GOA

[whatever that means]

Hmmm.. so here goes something which I wanted 2 write down from a long time….finally got the time!!
Am talking of our great Tour-De-Goa!![well not exactly… but what the hell!]
After several days of planning and after endless conferences on yahoo[which themselves
ended quite abruptly with no result whtsoever] we finally dicided to Go Goa [the Goa].

at Night :

The the seats were booked for a night journey from mysore to udupi on bus which arrived at 9.i was the 1st one to arrive to the bus stand followed my mama,sabi, and moron[oops sorry make that preetham ,abhinav and arun].we boarded the bus and started what was quite a fun journey. Teasing each other..for example the 1stattack went on arun who was rueing for not being able to email to his galfriend [????].and then on abhinav who was already buzy callin and messaging his innumerable GFs[ya rite!!].and after sometime we slowly drifted off to sleep until we arrived in madikeri which was at its pleasant best hours before dawn all chilly and foggy.we got down at the bus stand to remove or to drain out rather all that we carried all the way from mysore.and then a had a cup of hot tea [which felt really good after the chilly ride that I had] and then back to bus as it continued its journey this time down the hills toward the coastal plains.and then right at dawn and got down in the holy town of Udupi!

Day time:
Thanks to arun who had arranged for a hotel room rite in front of the busstand we had our bath in cold water[though arun really said there was hot water..which wasn’t available for me n mama who went in 1st]and after that watched some tv while preetham couldn’t help but wonder how do so many channels come here in udupi when they don’t back in mysore.all this while waiting for abhinav who took almost an hour[in my standards]to take bath[though he defended it quite candidly that it took more time to apply the soap…ya whatever!!!]and after all that we went down to have our breakfast at the restaurant below ..the topi plain dosas ;).
And after that under the light drizzle we went to one of the most sacred temple of south India yes the udupi sri Krishna temple[sadly thou we didn’t get the darshan…but it was all worth it].
From there we went directly to the railway station[which was CLEAN if u were to compare to other railway stations] on a rickshaw which had sworn to make our food digest I guess by the way it was wobbling and jumping all the way …blame it on the road rather!!
Finally we were in the station…and after all the enquiry on the train which according to railways was on time but according to our shek[read abhishek] who was to come from suratkal on the same train and join us in udupi it was to be late by an hour!!
With nothing else to do…all 4 of us sat on a bench with mp3 players and music fones plugged to our ears lookin athe rain washed tracks and the hoarding beyond that…and calling shek as we were getting really impatient waiting for the train .
Finally after more than an hour the train arrives..with shek standin iout from one of the doors with a cap and a jacket with a broad typical sheik smile.
Heaving a sigh of relief me ,arun preetham and abhinav boarded the train and then shifted to a reserved area which was 15rs extra but was more free and comfortable then the other crowded bogies.
After chattin about things and stuff we finally settled down to enjoy one of the best train rides and one of the beautiful ones..all because of the konkan railways…from drillin our way throu 3kms long tunnels to goin over bridges over lookin rivers mergin the the Arabian sea.froam lush green fields to the barren water logged[flooded rather] places..u get to see them all.
With nothing much to do everymody settled down to play rummy[I guess] while I settled down to read a book on the life and times of Delhi[which sadly I coudnt complete] which shek had brought with him.
The rummy was followed by a game or 2 of uno after which all 5 of got buzy doin our own stuff me reading the book,Arun listening to music and reading a magazine and abhinav and shek rushed to the doors of the boggie and look out..preetham was buzy jumpin from one activity to other[don’t mistake me now..nothin out of ordinary ;)].
After ‘woo’ing out of the windows and doors while going through tunnels to just lazing around eatin chips and drinkin cup of tea and coffee …we finally reache dour destination margoa alias madgaon alias the place we stay on this 4 day trip.
We got down ad hired a taxi to take us to the Vailankani beach resort in colva where we were to be stayin.
We settled down in to separate rooms abhinav and shek in one..me arun preetham in nother…after refreshments we headed to the colva beach few hundred mts from where we stayed.
We all had our share of fun enjoying and admiring the sea and the beach[which was dirty but never the less Indian ….after u realize ur at the edge of the great mass of land that is India] except for shek who was quite used to this after all he had one near his college..he was rather buzy scoldin[literally] the sea about how stupidly the waves come and go…”damn Iam bored already..and u..stpid wave keep doin it for eternity…this is ridiculous”
Amid sinster plans to throw shek into water by all 4 of us[ which was unsuccessful as he would come nywher close] we played and wetted ourselves[ now don’t mistake me…it was the waves].crying tsunami for every other wave..in our version “tu-su-nami”..we spent all over energy in the sea…and returned back to our rooms calling it quits for the day.



at Night :

We slept…we…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………..



Day time:

Tourists visit places….the place don’t visit tourists. And to visit those places we needed a mode of transportation…we had many options…taxi and rickshaws were…a strict no no.
So we hired 2 pulsars and an activa to travel around goa.[talk of BAD decisions…here was one].not knowing the adverse effects of this…we headed to our 1st destination…BIG FOOT[no don’t worry…there aren’t any Bigfoot or yetis in goa] it’s the anglicized version of the foot mark[ rather big for a normal human being if u ask me…well tats y then same…Bigfoot] on a rock[really???] on which many years ago a man who lost everything prayed to god and got his wish…so the legend goes anyone who can stand on one leg and fold ur hands high doing a namskaara towards the sky and ask for a wish..it will be granted.
Well it might sound easy[or difficult …depends how u understood my description] but really not so the foot mark is inclined and u need a balanced body[and mind] to pull it off. We all had a go and prayed or wished rather…our preetham did it thrice actually wonder what he asked for..thouh he was wobbling like a big rock on a slope with his iommensly huge body which has grown over the days…[he is proud of it thou].
Here we did our 2nd mistake..none of us wished for the rains to stop..yeah..it was rainin and raining bad…from the very day we arrived.we the young souls of India..continued our journey to Fort Aguada on the national highway via panaji with 2 hamara bajajs and an activa.
The rain gods wee on the roll….and it was raining cats and dogs…we rode on…stopped near a church were people had gather for the Sunday mass…didn’t pray to god for the rains to stop..we just rode on..after counting for 25 cars to pass by[as rains wont let up].
Me and shek on the ill fated activa and arun on one pulsar and abhinav and preetham in another[on the not so ill fated pulsar].the rains continued…the waters rose…we lost balance..we fell…and shek got hurt.it was not as bad yet….worse to come ..the bag with the camera and phones fell into water and the active the hired active….got a dent.
All tired and the energy we reached a restroom where we rested and realized the damage done ..the place was pretty old…yes it was Fort Aguada.we couldn’t enjoy the Fort much with a digicam all watered inside out and abhinavs cell dead due to suffocation by drowning in water.
After spending some time in the Fort and after encountering the a strange gal who was disappointed tht the light house on top of the Fort was not working said “kuch nahin hei yahan” to her parents and left with them .it wouldn’t hav sounded much odd..but the light house in question was from the portugese time…and it was off time for a light house to be working anyways as it was 12 in the afternoon!!!!
And so we left Fort Aguada…and carefully drived back..not falling anywhere back to Panaji the Capital of Goa.drenched to the core and doubtfull wether the restaurant manger will allow us in[which he thankfully did with a dry look] we had our lunch at the Kamath hotel with a hot cup of tea to heat the cold shivering drenched body of ours.
Me and shek where the 1st to recover…more so than abhinav who was finally relived tht his phone was back to life after operating and drying it….we left of on our dented activa to explore around….and realized Sunday is holiday…almost all the shops where shut..it was like a bandh…shek brought something to carry back to his college…and we came back to hotel where others were holed up…ate a meetha paan and headed back to madgaon in the rain again. Here the 3rd mistake happened and was repented just as soon….as arun got fined by the local traffic police for driving without a helmet..100 bucks as a bribe.after returning to colva..the 1st thing to do was to return the activa which was not needed as shek was to leave the same day.And voila…hell broke loose and the guy who gave us the activa demaded a hefty 2000 bucks as a claim to the damages we made to activa .
After intense request and innocent faces the guy agreed for a 1000rs fine…and left us in shock as how things can go bad.after learning a lesson one of the many which I will list out in the end we came back to our resort and returned back the other 2 pulsars as we where in no postion to take nymore risks as the luck was against us these days..and then at night we dropped of shek to a bus stand from where he returned to madgaon and from there back to his coll.
Though we had planned to go to the beach in the night..it was cancelled due the rains which gave no clues of stopping.



at Night :

We slept watching dhoom2[I guess..]


Day time:

Fresh and not to remember the previous days folly we took a bus to madgaon and from there in the rain went to Dona paula beach for water sports[which was not available due to rains I guess] and Miramar beach which was strange and water was as dirty.
And headed back to madgaon in the eve.

at Night :

Cant remember much..just this dream of this giant pirate ships docked near the beach..colva beach…where we were staying….scary huh!! ;)

Day time:

I had this vague idea that ”shopping is for gals” …boy was I proved wrong…
Arun ,abhinav and preetham dedicated the whole next day for shopping in panaji..which had all the leadin brand retail shops which mysore cant boast of…and 3 guys dug in..from the over priced Lacoste..to cute pepe…from dumb nike to friendly adidas…and not to forget the kaju alias godambi alias ger beeja[aruns idea].shopped all of them..
And me too bored plugged my ears with some hip numbers from Enrique and others while wondering around behind the shopping boys with to umbrellas in hand…u know the rains had not eneded yet…!!
And after nother lunch and somemore shopping we returned back to colva.

at Night :

The rains had stopped…so it was time for a walk in the beach in the night..
The moment we stepped onto the sand I was shocked my the erry silence and the ghostly waters rising and hitting the sand…just like they have been doin for centuries…and before them…couldn’t help but agree more with shek’s comment on the stupid waves…..but with a scary tinge to it.
Preetham who was already quite SCARED to be on the beech at the odd time panicked even more as abhinav wondered alone along the beech .poor mama uttered his trademark padvarahalli dialogues as he could no longer see Abhinav who had vanished in the darkness more so for Preetham who was more blind then the rest of us.
Arun who had stayed back in the room was doing god knows what!!!
It was the last night we where goin to eat in the sagar kinara restaurant where we had been eating our breakfast and dinner.
And headed back to the room to have a goodnight sleep…and yeah arun doesn’t eat much…he is on diet I guess.

Day time:

Wooo!! Its shopping again….this time for shell earings and shirts and stuff from the shops nearby the beach…cheap…and strong .yeah the shell earings just didn’t break….proved later by abhinav to prove it was worth it to arun who as usual had a cynic look at it.
And thus was spent the last day in goa….as we packed our stuff and headed back to madgaon…and boarded the train where my bag was inspected by the police for weapons smuggled out to Karnataka by naxals via goa…and no I didn’t have those weapons ;)


at Night :

And we reached back to udupi..had our dinner in the same hotel where we had the day we arrived…boared the bus..took our seats….exchanged our seats and then we were back doing what we did on night 1…..this time teasing mama…who was confused in the railway station he was wondering “our train is moving” but it was the train next to us….and when finally our train did move…I guess he was thinking it was the platform tht was moving ;) [sorry mama].
After all the teasing and sleep in the bus and a jump and dance of bus over the humps wnd women yellin at the driver we finally reached mysore…safe….


Day time :

At 7 we got down the bus…and headed our ways…marking the end of the tour -de –goa!!
Which spread a range of emotions on our faces…excitement,anxiousness,impatience,pain,tiredness,fear,bore..hungry…stupidity…and much more….what ever u call……experience it was…one of the best…with friends…better then the best!!



Moral of the story:

1]Off-season ……….. means its really The off-season
Never visit goa in an off- season…coz it aint called off-season for no season..they mean it…coz..rains are sometime injurious to health,wealth and fun!!
2] Never hire vehicles unless your damn sure you wont get it dented or nythin.
3] Water sports are played on water..not in water…so don’t expect them in rains
4] Beaches are dying due to global warming and human hamming.
5] Don’t go alone ;)


Well that’s it..i know its really long a blog..but coudnt leave out the details..coz god lies in details…ya rite..nyways…cia..

ITS OFFICIAL !!!DOOMSDAY IS HERE N SO IS HIMESH

Doomsday!!

Well folks today is doomsday and I consider myself lucky to be actually be still writing i.e after surviving the release “aap ka surroor the movie”.

Himesh reshamiya has now entered into acting after killing many a birds by his nasal singing of “तन्न्हैयांएस” AND “सुर्र्र्रूऊऊर्स्”READ TANNHAIYYAAANS AND SURROOOOORS.

Seriously he is a perfect example how a man acts when success goes too much into his head.

All his songs feel the same with high beats in background while he spoils the lyrics with his voooooooooooooooooons .

And the greatest mystery of all..whts under his god damn cap!

Omg!am so waiting to see whats under that….man..wht the hell….what can ther be but loads of hair or a bald head??? Hopefully there wont be any golden statue of himself singing now will there be ny??

He ain’t tired of his shit…but half the world is…but he wont stop…he is the king of his own world full of people with sumthing for songs with a nasal twang…

I sound better singing in bathroom with a bucket over my head….how cum he maks loads of money then???

He so tiring and irritating with all tv and radio channels airing nothing but his tannnhaiiiyaaan I rather watch the Indian team losing!!

Even though these guys wear cap atleast they don’t sing wherever they goo…..n whatever they are doing.

Please dude…stop singing man…..

Why isn’t nyone voting to include his songs in the list if environmental pollutants..n health hazards…

His albums should actually come with some caution like those on packets of cigarettes

“CAUTION: Listening to the songs in this album is declared hazardous to listeners and effevts could range from “nnnnnnnnn” sounds in ur ears o permanent deafness and many mores erious health conditions”

Why not???

All humanity is headed towards doomsday if we continue to hear all the things he cooks up from his nose and from under the cap!

TERRORISM IS ON A RISE,GLOBAL WARM,ING IS ON A RISE….HIMESH IS ON A RISE…..DOOMSDAY IS NEAR PEOPLE…STAY INDOOS..N SHUT THE TV AND UR RADIOS!!

THE CAPPED NASAL GHOST IS ON THE PROWL!!!!

the Monsoon

Well folks....Monsoon is here...the time of the year when mornings are as chilling as the night n just as wet n dark....
there ain't any more comfortable ,cosy, n warm place then your bed nor is there any thing more enchanting then sipping a hot cup of coffe or tea leaning outside your window n feeling the drops of rain and cool breeze on your face...while your tv keeps singing all the new songs including those of himesh reshamiyaji .
This is the time when you realise how bad n boring it feels to be locked inside jail all day...
This is the time of the year when there is water,water everywhere still ur taps go dry every alternative days n u just cant help but think about rain water harvesting!
There is greenery everywhere from grasses to trees n so are the walls of builings due to leaking cielings n all....
There is water all over floor of ur house enough to sink half of you but none in the staorage tank above...unless the lid is open
it is the time of the year when walking on a footpath is considered unsafe with 2 n 4 wheelers splashin all water on roadside upon you...
this is the time of the year when people stand in a bus shelter not for the bus...
well monsoon is here n so with it comes tons of happiness....n goes with it the power n cable that made people happy before its arrival....

but u cant help but love monsoon.....coz afterall its THE MONSOON people...!!!
and as u can see tis is time of the year when i have nothin else to do ...sitting in my room from the fear of gettin cold if i venture out on a beautifull rainy day....n i blog away on this blog of mine....which nobody would have read had they got nyother work to do,..

kalam'ity'...in the nation

Well....i want Dr.Kalam back...so do every other person in india....but still he probably wont be the next President...all we get after such a remarkable President is a puppet President..like our puppet P.M.....they arent inspired to lead a nation nor will they have any to the general masses....this is the sorry state of affair in the nation today...n we call ourselves democratic..i mean wht about people's choice.???these useles ministes elect a person who is benifiary for them....damn ministers!!!
Nation is ignored for the personal benifit of a single person.....what saught of democrazy is that...ny anwers..??none that i can see.....