Me

Some days back I took a Facebook " Know your Luck and Future" and the 'prediction’ was;

“Ram honey, you'll find romance blossoming . whether it's a renewed sense of commitment to the one you've been with for a while or a new person breezing into your life. The real story is located right in the center of your heart.''

I actually take this daily because
1) Am pretty jobless
2) Anita (who apparently tells these prediction) calls me 'sweety', honey', 'dear'. That feels great. (I know am such a LOSER)

And two ladies leave a comment,one about weather I understood what Anita meant and other feels that am pretty dumb when it comes to gals and I wont get it.

Well…

AM NOT DUMB!!

Now everyone keeps telling me to get a GF.
I mean I could, are they available in that corner store? Yes I am that lazy. Its hard work really. And I am no Hrithik when it comes to anatomy so I don't attract girls like even a puppy could (but I also feel I am..*tilts head, wags tail(??)* bow bow bow..SEE! very cute)
So going around searching is bit of hard work. And being coaxed by friends who are themselves SINGLE is like a joke!!

Apart from the obvious above reason my rather big nose which sometimes blocks my view when am half way through checking out a female structure and which has huge reserves of oil making it shiny like a brand new car doesn't really attract women. (and pimples popping up ruins the effect completely. DARN)

I some times feel all the ladies even half a km away is staring at me (I don't know exactly how many, nose blocks a few).Until I realized it was ONLY literally true because when they come nearer they just fail to notice me. Helooo!? that was rude! You were staring me a few hundred meters back. I SAW YOU DOING IT!! CHEATER!!

Other times I feel like the really smart and funny guy (which I am really) like in movies who cracks a joke and women are swooning and falling all over him(but again, hasn't happened so far. Damn those misleading Movies)

Only time I did got close to someone was with her the other day. We were just chit chatting some random stuff and I was curling my fingers around hers and was cracking awesome jokes and she was giggling away like.. well.. like she does.. I mean it’s pretty unique in a beautiful way. And suddenly out of the blue she just jumps on me and lands a deep passionate kiss. It was awesome!!!!! Yes it happened. Am not lying. Such a realistic dream I tell you. Sigh.

And lastly I am supposed to be this really nice, sweet guy. You might think that’s cool but seriously, trust me you don't want to be that. We are to gals what Dinosaurs are for people. Everyone likes us and goes wow at us but only when we are dead. Don't be fooled by cho chweet,cho cutee...soo nice of u...sweet ..You will get fucked but never get a chance to fuck.

So the only one I love is Deepika.

The following conversation with my friend (the bastard hits on his bhabhi) will prove you how much I lover her.


sabi: hw's alien v/s predators??

ramprakash: 1st one?
its super
2nd okey

sabi: i guess 1st 1 nly

ramprakash: ya its gud

sabi: a v/s p requiem anthe
wts tat??
1st or 2nd??

ramprakash: avp 2 is 2nd
:P
avp is 1st
:D

sabi: nin pinda
wen did avp 2 come??
k de 1 I tol is avp2
i want avp1
:|

ramprakash: and i want both a and p to eat u!!
deepu is minee!!!!


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P.S: If you thought this was funny then that smile on your face made writing this worthwhile. And by chance if you had always thought of me as a GOOD BOY and now realized that I am after all a jackass.
WAS KIDDING! GOD PROMISE!
:P

Coz the cupid was late

My Dear "the most beautiful girl I have ever seen",

Hey!! Happy Valentines Day! And I hope mine is the only letter you get today!You must be like ‘Who the F*ck are you??’.We will meet soon.But you need to read a story before that.

The story of my Love.
I died on the 7th of Jan 2010.(at this you must be wondering-WTF love story is this? You died at the beginning itself?) And as I had always wished, had turned into a weightless cold ghost. Life after death can be boring at times so me and my friends(fellow ghosts) go around the city checking on interesting people (I mean chiks obviously) at night. Only at night because of the 'I’ve-no-fucking-clue-why' reason. Well we are 3 of us in this part of the town, me, Mr Shy, who always wanted to sing and dance but was well..shy, so he does that all the time now as he is dead(DUH) and so can't be shy. Then there is Mrs blah who can talk for hours non stop and is kinda funny so I don't mind her chatter. And also there is the 4th ghost Mr.Dead_man@Midearth.com but he is usually online(yeah cyber ghosts do exist) all the time and so we hardly get to see him. Me and my friends often wonder what can he be possibly doing there tweet that "am dead but I still get cold *sniff*"???

Well as the clocks chimed 11 (which is an hour before the actual 'our' time) I set off through the concrete jungle. I love invading other's privacy. And this night I saw a lot of action happening. Tomorrow is the 14th of feb. And unlike me(when I was alive) many a bastards are lucky and they send around these long sms-es which travel through me to the nearest tower. Lot of sweet talks and mushy mushy happening before the clock strikes 12,they don't want to spend a single rupee or love with the mobile operators on the 14th. And just to quench your curiosity yeah, I read them all, even the "make love" ones!!(Yeah! Am a pervert ghost)
As I made way through the long sloppy kisses, warm hugs, bytes of 'pleasure-cries', I spot a young 20 something girl at her balcony. She was dressed in a white tee and a knee-length pj with a burning black cigarette between her fingers. It was a cool night there was no noise other than the chirping of the crickets and my own hard breathing (yes we can breath).Leaning on the railings she ties up her shoulder length hairs and closes her eyes as if feeling the cool breeze is gently washing her face like waves on a beach. Her face is devoid of any expression. After waiting for like hours, she finally opened her beautiful dark eyes. I immediately get closer,(it would have been too close if I was alive, but now I can only give her some goosebumps on her smooth fair skin).I stare at her eyes to see what’s she feeling deep inside her pretty face. As if she senses my presence she turns her head away and instead stares into the empty night. Somewhat pissed (yeah we get pissed too and that’s when we usually scare people otherwise we are cool..I mean cold) I hover (yeah, yeah like a helicopter.NICE ;)) in front of her but then again she looks away, this time, up , at the beautiful starry sky. And she blows out a cloud of smoke and watches them rise... I can see the smoke reflect in her 'awww' dark eyes. But each time something or the other blocks (or blurrs) me from making a eye contact with her. The culprit this time was the tears. Little pearls of pain make their way through her kajal-ed eye and it slithers down slowly through her cheeks.I wanted to stop the tears.I wanted to sing her the song by Fergie "big girls don't cry"(umm naa..that would have made her cry more).I wanted to scare her so bloody bad that her tears would be sucked back in. But I couldn't, wouldn't...would you? So just as a tear was about to fall off her chin I put my hand beneath it. And before I knew I burned just like the cigarette now between her sexy red lips. And I burned deeper and bright. And like those ashes I fell down to screaming hell or was it into love. yeah! I wanted to yell and dance in joy...but then I realised..Damn it! I was dead...

That girl was you.

Am truly madly in love with you. And all I want is a chance to be with you. I want to watch the sunset together as our shadows kissed behind us. I want to feel the pain you felt and the happiness behind your smile. God promise, I LOVE YOU..and will forever and mind you this God promise I mean it (I met God a week back and he was pretty pissed because of all the false god promises I had made. In my defence, I always felt that God can't possibly die if we broke the promise, right?).
BTW I asked Mr. Yum Raj and he told you’ll be dead in like 4 hours coz of your bad chain smoking habit it made your lungs stab holes to itself. So anyways I’ll be waiting at the entrance of Indravan gardens. Don't worry you won't get lost, everyone knows Indravan Gardens..its got a big dam and a musical fountain too. Very romantic.Can't wait to meet you. Hope we can get to know each other better. And hopefully love.

Yours forever and after,
Boo!!!

P.S: I look just as cute as Casper.But sexier ;)

Growing up- Season 2

Growing up I had had lot of questions(mostly directed at my dad).And he would answer each one of them patiently.As the years passed the questions changed yet the each one was answered by him.But some of the questions haven't changed like "How much longer,are we there yet?"and still I get a calm patient reply.Well for some of the other questions there was ofcourse the google,wiki and other such "good sites":P

Growing up I had my share of crushes and crushes.
Some crushes were sweet, like the gal in the 3rd grade who on her last day at school smelled like a sweet candy she was giving away as a parting gift.sweet candy to drown the sorrows.My advanced smell sensors(this has nothing to do with my somewhat bigger nose,mind you) can still pick it up if I happen to 'smell' her again somewhere .But some of the other crushes were not at all as sweet or memorable as they were mostly spent under the class bully's smelly armpit.Being tiny din't help matters against the giant-assed-over-grown-mean-shit-headded-retards(why am I so whiny?).Sadly these crushes I can still smell some around me.

Growing up I was shy.I hardly ever had the courage(yeah courage) even to start a conversation with the member of the opposite sex.I used to get tongue tied,hanged,stabbed or whatever and had my sweat glands in over drives on my forehead,behind my ears and palm and other regions of my gorgeous anotomy.All the thoughts and wonderful filmy lines remained in my head and drowned themselves to sorrow death in the flood of sweats.And as expected I din't have a gf.Years later Internet came into my life and it helped me put words to my thoughts and those words sounded in your heads and well even though am no better now.But life is better.

Growing up I discovered books,movies,music.Yeah whats so special in that, you might wonder because its no big deal unless you are the the caveman dressed in a 2 piece sexy deerskin.But I just adore these stuffs a litlle more than you.Makes reality sweeter,sexier, bearable and awesome-er.

Growing up I made some amazing friends.
Abhinav who has a disorder to forget things(best guy to tell secrets coz won't remember a damn thing after 18 hours or less) ,aparna who is magically mad.(don't even get me started on the reasons for her madness and ofcourse the magic),arun the highly sensitive guy(hides it under blankets of oh-I-don't-cares),jayanth who helped me get a degree(will be a great teacher someday but says doesn't want to be :P ),vivek the partner in crime in the 2 years of college(though we discovered each other a bit late).Hopefuly these people wil be around me forever.
Not to forget
Amarnath-for being a centimeter or two shorter and thus sparing me from being the 1st in line at the assembly.
Prajwal- for having crush on the same gal and giving company in the quest
Sahana- for being the santa claus sans any gifts :P
and many more..
They make the chat window have a LOL and LMAO,gol gappas spicier,nights crazier,class funnier and in general life awesome-er!(atleast leave sweet comments in return for the praises :P )

Growing up I became the Devdas.I fell in love,struggled to keep it and then had my heart broken.Naa not really!! Was kidding but well, I did see others going through all that.One went on his knees in front of the love of his life under the trees as dead leaves of the autumn season rained around them,one popped pills and ALMOST(?) died to scare the shit out of his love to stay(and it worked) while the other drained bottles of beer on top of a bridge as he let go off his love.


Growing up I got a job on my first job interview.Again for which credit goes to my friends in a way.After college I was expecting to be buzy with work.But haven't yet, after 6 months.My situation is like a pregnant lady having a healthy baby in her womb but which is refusing to come out.Each time the frustration grows it either pushes out a hand and say "hey ya..I'l be right out soon mama" or puts the tiny foot out and say "am coming out...1...2...3.." or in rare cases peak its head out and screams like a teenager "am coming..just a minute" (teenager inside the womb!am goin nuts)but alas hasn't come out yet.(was it too gross?) yeah I am having labour pains without doing any labour.I still wait with great patience.Which is one of the things I have learned in this long break.Now I'm so bloody patient that if a doctor spots me he wil take and label me a permanent patient in some hospital.(like Anand bhai in munnabhai MBBS, but I won't get a bed)


Growing up I realised things change.Things are indeed changing for better or for worse(at their own pace).Why sudden realisation you may ask.No I din't hit puberty late(am 20 afteral!) and No No... am still shy in front of gals and so am still stuck being single(damn it!!).Its just that things change, how much ever you want it not to.The harder you hold on to something the faster it slips right through your clenched fist.Its like squeezing a ripe mango. Ok now don't imagine something else with that dirty mind of yours, what am talking about is kinda serious and sad. :P

Growing up I met you and this ones for you...


P.S: did it get too much of a senti-fest?

Colours

I wake up from a deep slumber like in a doped trance,
mind too numb after dreaming of a ugly pheasant’s dance.
The kaleidoscope lying beside the book of Brown,
catches my attention and I look through with a frown.
I see the colours that were sucked off my life al along,
dancing in merry inside the thing so small and long.
Compared to the smiling violet, cute indigo, pretty blue with rest of the GYOR,
the monotonous black and white of my life seemed such a distant boring blur.
The lust to have it all awakens in me and I,
fall in love with the kaleidoscope, to please my eye.
Trying to take some of the colours, I pulled and tugged without kind,
deeper and deeper into the darkest corner of my mind.
Until I realised I had sucked in all the colour and glamour,
but still deep down I felt bad, just like a newly ditched lover.
Only then I realised, it was the light that made the kaleidoscope colourful,
So I agreed with them, coz as they say only Love makes life beautiful.

Scarred to death

Taking a long puff off his beedi he blows the unholy smoke into the winter night.As the smoke clears, he sees a dark silhouette approaching him.Clad in a black saree,the pallu covering her head.Her beautiful face hidden in the darkness and the shadow of the looming trees lining the street.
Stomping the beedi under his shoes he walks towards her with a eerie confidence which detered her. He had approached the same way then and she had loved it.Her heart starts beating wildly as he closes in.Just like it had then. He stares at her as the wind blows her saree revealing her milky white waist.She could see the hunger in his eyes as he looked at her body.The calmness outside was contrats to the screams of her past.The screaming thoughts in her head were starting to build up with each second under his lecherous gaze. Then in one swift motion she pulls out the gun,points it at his heart. She could hear his heart pound or was it hers? Then she pulls the trigger and watches, as the bullet rips through his heart.She thought she knew the love he felt.She was wrong. Now she knew the pain he would feel.She was right this time .The sound of the shot merged with the scream and it echoed into the night.Just like it had when he had splashed the burning acid on her beautiful face.As she had cried in pain, he had sneered.Now falling down, he cought the last glimpse of her scarred face as the pallu finally gave way to the rushing cold wind. She sneered and walked off.Then she had wanted to share all the happiness with him and now she had shared her pain!

P.s: fiction listening to 'give unto me' by evanesence.