Well its 2008!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
And just like ‘The New Year’ there will be “new year resolutions”
Most of us don’t follow them …and we just step into new year ..
Here are some of the things or rules to keep in mind …to make life better in next year….
Caution Readers:
This is not a crash course of any sort on ‘how to become a genius’, ‘a terrorist’, ‘to lead a healthy life’, ‘how to poke your nose in public’, ‘how to become marriageable’, ‘how to get a divorce’ or any shit.
&
Not all rules are funny they are not supposed to be so..…well some are… and some more are plain stupid and others may just workout.
It’s not all original ideas ….some are plain rip off …so don’t be envious of me!!!
Hmmm here you go……..
1] Life can be tough, take it ONE rule at a time.
2] Don't wash your hands with petrol/diesel.
Don't wash your dog with Sulfuric Acid.
[You'd think such things would be common sense, but there are some real MORONS out there]
3] "Don't drive faster than your Angels can fly"
[Warning: Angels can fly approximately 120 kmph , lets be careful with this rule].
4] Don't slurp when you eat or drink, or chew with your mouth open, or talk with your mouth full... in other words , don't enjoy eating at all.
5] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....and now Rule 6
6] Buy a lottery ticket now and then, you never know
7] Read a bunch of strange books about ghosts, reincarnation, aliens, and parallel universes; one of these wacko theories might be true.
8] Eight hours of sleep, or more, is gooooooood.
9] Don't _____________[fill in the blanks and send your answers to 575575 and win a TIGHT SLAP].
10] There's a time to be born, a time to die, a time to be serious, a time to learn, a time to teach, a time to put on your shoes,a time to see the time, a time to sit down and have breakfast, a time to paint something, a time to write a stupid rule that really isn't a rule but just a discussion of time and doing things, and a time to think on how we are always doing stuff and rarely have enough time to do everything, and a time to make a really long sentence with lots of commas, and a time to put an end to Rule 11; which is now.
11]Some important rules while in a forest or zoo or in company of animals.
Don't wrestle with an Alligator, or Bear.
Don't try to out run a Cheetah, just get ready for the worst.
Don't tease a loose Gorilla.
Don't lay down near an Elephant.
Don't pretend you're a seal in Shark infested waters.
Don't steal honey from Killer Bees.
Don't bend over naked around a horny male Baboon.
12] Its not a rule..Its a fact
Only humans and Dung Beetles 'choose' to clean up the shit of other creatures.
[After all 2008 is the International Year of Sanitation.]
13] Fuck the rules
[I know one guy who will agree very much]
14] If you're going to drink alcohol..think about all those drinks that tastes good and is good for you, like a Rasna.
15] When you find something good, share it with your friends.[Is your gf/bf good???]
16] Figure out what your dreams are, you NEED that information.
17]. If your goal for the day is to hang out and do nothing, and you do that, you've had a successful day.
[More than a few days devoted to this goal is a BAD sign.]
18] Life's guarantees:
Wonder
Joy
Sadness
Despair
Surprise
Disappointment
[some keep repeating ]
19] Never go by what they say
We live in a world where we are surrounded by people who believe CRAZY things[most of them come true]... and sadly these people think you are strange.
20] I predict:
Tomorrow the world will 'just miss' ending in some catastrophic way that no one will even know about
21] The world could end in the blink of an eye... or it could go on and on and on and on... only Al Gore knows for sure.
22] These days many a things will be termed “none of your business…!@#$ off”!!
23] !@#$ =fuck[ @#$%,F@CK,FAC# ,F#CK all mean the same]!
24] If you want to live forever, DO NOT DIE ;
25] If Koi mil gaya indeed happens. And you run into an alien don’t say “aailaaa..ye kya he?”
Not all Aliens are ‘jaaadu’ just run away silently [ this rule/advice may or may not work]
26] A trimmer is no big deal but when dealing with complicated machinery such as "Time Machines", or "Transporter Units", read the directions CAREFULLY.
27]
No war.
No crime.
No anger.
No distrust.
No lies.
[Wake up dude]
28] The most exciting part of a rocket launch is the countdown from ten.
[Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa]
29] Note to children:
You are right about all that crap they want you to learn in school, you won't need to know MOST of that stuff, ever.
But, that's not the point, you are learning HOW to learn when you do that work and do it well, and one day, you WILL need to have learned how to LEARN.
So do the work, do it well, study, get A's and B's, IT WILL MATTER.
..so do 100/100…….. well …….99/100 is good too![Remember Taare zameen par]
30] If someone is about to bury you alive, do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE NOT TO GET BURIED ALIVE!!
31] When tossing grenades, squeeze the handle tight and hold it there, THEN pull the pin, THEN throw. Any other order will meet with less than desirable results.
32] Don't try to breakup fights, just stand back and watch.
33] Don't go surfing when a Tsunami is approaching.
34] Don’t spin around until you are dizzy near a cliff.
35] Don't get a tattoo of a girlfriend or boyfriend's name, you'll regret it sooner or later.
36] Always wear a helmet, when riding a vehicle [who knows you may have Einstein’s brains..they may want it for research!!!]
37] Given a choice between drowning or burning to death, pick drowning.
38] Don’t put a candle into your nose…its not required.
39] If there's a green wire, a black wire, and a red wire, and you have the desire to touch one, touch the black one.
40] Rules for Terrorists : When they ask for volunteers for a "Suicide Mission", look down at your shoes and remain quiet.
41] LMAO stands for ‘Laughing My Ass Out’ and not ‘Laaaa Mmmmm Aaaa Oooo’
42] New Year comes every year so don’t worry if you slept off at 11:55PM….there is always next year…well ..almost….and yeah don’t blame me if you sleep off again next year!!
43] Know when to ignore those voices in your head that say "Kill, kill"
44] Remember: 'Rules are meant to be broken'
45] You will be fined/tortured/beaten up if you follow Rule 44!!
46] Pets are good…but never keep any animal in your house that could kill you if it wanted to.
47] You get 11 different types of dreams every night....so don’t stay up all night .
48]You can’t avoid all the potholes…that’s true for the vehicle passing next to you on a rainy day!!
49] Lord Of The Rings is not REAL[Real things cant be so great.]
50] Drink more grape juice.[Just make sure some are fermented ..and older the better]
51]Be Lazy when you have no work …be a couch potato because it’s the International Year of the Potato.
52] All the readers who reached till here should be appreciated….are you human??
53] I forgot…never mind!
54] The BIG question: What is life, what's this all about?
Don’t worry if you cant answer it the 1st time…if you could..contact me immediately!!!
55] Life sucks….[damn it…go back to Rule 53]
56]*yawn*
57] Always write a comment after you read the blog….and it better be good!!!
That’s it they have no connection whatsoever with the new year ..like many things in life don't ..hmmmm …yeah enjoy the new year..party hard get drunk ..puke out .. sleep late and miss the new year morning and wake up at afternoon…feel dizzy and go back to sleep again..and wake up at night and wonder what you would want to doand again try to sleep coz you got school, college, work the next day….baaals!!!
